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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

78/126

I know, it's been days! Not to worry, all is almost well. I've had another techno glitch, where I went to download my carefully arranged eats and the card tells me 'naaaah'. It says 'the card cannot be accessed'. Great.

Now, let's see. The last few days have been kind of crazy because I had an exam and now I'm preparing for the last two. I did get in a yoga/weights fusion workout yesterday and have managed to navigate the stress without any stress eating, although last night was a very close call. I was at my sisters for dinner and had consumed an amount of wine somewhat in excess of my one glass 'keeping it together' limit. Dinner was fine - grilled fish with baked kumara and salad. Perfectly light and delicious, then, for who knows what reason, about half an hour after dinner I found myself looking in the freezer and saying 'does anyone want an ice cream? I'm having an ice cream, anyone else interested?' in a kind of inclusive, if everyones doing it then it's ok, manner.

Luckily the ice creams were single serve, portion controlled parcels, probably less than 250 cals each, but immediately after that little lapse my head started churning over the many possible ways I could get my mouth around something much more damaging. I imagined making some excuse ('you need more milk for coffee.. oh, whoops, I thought you were out!') to go out and fulfill my urge to binge - after all, I'd sat an arduous exam that day, didn't I deserve to party really hard??. But I didn't do it. I shut myself in the bathroom and practiced some self talk. I reminded myself how far I'd come and that bingeing now would just put me back at that perpetual 'day one' - the most frustrating day in existence. I reminded myself of all the reasons why I want to live a healthy life and lose weight - to improve my arthritis, to live longer, to have more fun, to set a good example for Miss J, to free my mind from the mental exhaustion of the lose-gain-lose-gain-gain rollercoaster. It took quite a few minutes - I'm sure my family were thinking I was having a nasty toilet experience (!) - but I managed to put my mind back in the necessary place and get right back on track.

Victory.

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