54/126 - NCR

Well, it's been a while since I had to report a non-conformance but ..

Since Friday I've been feeling really kind of complacent about eating in the way that makes me feel best. I've been cranking up on coffee, having wine every night, and eating a LOT of chocolate. Having eight blocks of chocolate in my fridge should be fine, but last night and tonight I've made a complete pig of myself. Tonight included some really nice fruit cake that The Programmers mum made. So.. let's deconstruct it...

1. It was beginning to feel easy. I began to think that deviating wouldn't be a problem. Also I'm clearly losing weight and so I feel like I can afford to relax my attitude toward food. I should know by now, from past experience, that what happens with this sort of lax thinking is that I wake up in two weeks heavier than ever and depressed as all hell. That's the reality.

2. My sister got back from overseas and I began to feel some of the stress that was troubling me when we were last together. The yukky business stress. I was feeling a potential time pressure because I love spending time with my niece, but it cuts into my already over-full schedule. The reality there is that this is all under my control. I can set my limits. Take her biking on Wednesday, have her stay the night Friday, library Saturday, I don't have to be available 24/7. I just think I do.

3. I already know that alcohol, caffeine and sugar consumption fry my mind and make me feel anxious. Now I'm feeling anxious. This is not neuroscience.. or maybe it is?

4. I've got large amounts of food in my house that I normally wouldn't. Maybe eight blocks of gorgeous lindt chocolate in flavours that are not available in NZ is more than I can handle right now. I may have to find some way to ration myself. Ideas?

I knew when I started that there would be some setbacks and now I just have to set myself back on track and learn from it. I can't afford to just slump back into overeating. The last three days are a reminder that if I stop paying attention and get lazy, I will not live the life that I want to live. On the positive, I have not been bingeing relentlessly. I've managed a dinner out with decorum and tonight threw out half a glass of wine when I realised that I didn't actually want to wake up feeling sad tomorrow.

Ok, time to go have a bath and get an early night. Tomorrow is a busy day but I should have a positive 'back on track' post tomorrow night. Stay tuned.