Goal 57, day 9

57.7 kg

Ok, well, that's better, and surprising, considering that last nights dinner was beef stroganoff - minus the noodles for me. I've been eating a bit more dairy (stroganoff has sour cream in it) and haven't noticed any ill effects at all. It certainly doesn't seem to affect my weight. During yoga this morning I did notice a bit of lower back pain, not severe, but there. I wondered if it could have been a reaction to the almost daily dairy consumption. My back pain is, according to the MRI, due to a buildup of fluid in the SI joint. As fluid accumulates with inflammation, I've noticed that food does affect my backpain. At first I thought this was just me being a bit crazy, but then I met a successful bodybuilder whom has suffered a similar back injury to myself and he told me that part of the reason he finds it easy to stick to his diet year round is that refined carbs make his back twinge. Not just me then.

Oh, I did have 1.5 glasses of wine last night. Beef Stroganoff also has red wine in it and it was just the thing. It did not lead to a splurge though, possibly because the fat in the dinner prevented it going to my head. Caffeine is turning out to be remarkably easy to manage since I found decaf beans. In the morning I empty out the caffeinated beans from the hopper. I can't get them all out, so there are maybe 10 left in the burr. I top it up with decaf beans and then use the machine as per usual during the day. So, psychologically, no change at all. The first espresso of the day is probably a half strength caff, but I'm not going to get freaky about that. At end of day I turf out the decaf beans and fill it up again with caff'd ones so that The Programmer doesn't miss his caffeine hit in the morning. I hate to think what would eventuate if that happened!

I've started back on my creaky joints mix of MSM and n-acetyl-d-glucosamine.

Eating today was:

1. banana

2. leftover beef stroganoff, salad

3. lara bar

4. citrus marinated makerel, steamed swede, salad (+ erm, glass of vino).

Goal 57, Day 8

58 kg

I've had a little setback. On Saturday night, it seemed like a great idea to have a few vino's before heading out to the movies... Predictably, I then felt quite free to indulge myself in an enormous dinner + dessert. It was not a binge, but I did gain 600g overnight and am just de-bloating now. I'm not too worried. If I eat certain things, particularly wheat or a really high-sodium meal, I do tend to gain a lot of weight which generally takes three or four days to diminish again. Tomorrow should look better, although I may need to adjust my goal. Maybe. Tomorrow I'll decide on that.

As my weight comes down I'm finding it easier to deal with the inevitable weight fluctuations. I've been doing a lot of reading lately on Binge Eating Disorder (abbreviated to BED) for a university assignment and was surprised to find that the research tends to suggest that weightloss seems to reduce the incidence of binge eating episodes. The reason this was surprising is that everything I'd read to this point suggested that you should forget about losing weight while recovering from BED. From my point of view, losing weight has had a positive effect because when I DO overindulge and gain a little weight, it's just not so distressing. Which, in turn, reduces the anxiety which makes me want to binge. So, if I munch a huge slice of ciabatta and bloat up to 58.2kg, well that's still a hell of a lot less than a year ago when a 'fat day' was 64kg or more. I can handle it with more decorum. It doesn't throw me into a panic. It feels manageable. I think also, the aspect of having more 'wiggle room' in what the scales might say does reduce the urge to splurge. For example, I can indulge myself a little, knowing that I'll still be within my 'mentally acceptable' weight range the next day, even if I gain a bit. Contrast this from the days when I would deny, deny and deny myself anything which might make me gain even a little weight. The ensuing mental struggle of 'I want it but I CAN'T have it' would most likely stress me out so much that I'd eat it anyway, then feel like a failure and probably binge.

The mind is a very funny thing...

So, today and yesterday, eating was on-plan. I'm still doing 1 espresso every second morning and alcohol consumption has been more or less.. ok. ;-/

Yesterday I did 20 mins cardio, today I got on the Wii-fit and tomorrow is yoga class. All good.

Goal 57, Day 5 (trying to get there in 14 days)

57.6kg

Last night I did behave myself, mostly. One glass of wine (good), but after dinner I did raid the crackers and cheese (not great, but not tragic). This morning, weight is down another 100g and the goal is in sight.

Unfortunately I woke up feeling very grumpy and still-tired. I'm not sure what that's about, just 'one of those things' that goes along with being me. It could also be that the vino messed with my brain chemicals after having practically none for two weeks. Today I was out shopping, it was past lunchtime and, for whatever reason - maybe because of the grumps - I decided that lunch was going to be a handful (8) chocolate covered strawberries. I thought about it. I really, seriously felt like eating some. I was exactly in the mood for the sweet, tangy, full of additives chocolate strawberries from the bulk bin section. I scoffed them in the car on the way home, then had a pear and a spoon of nut butter to.. erm.. balance it all out.

Apart from a very minor moment of anxiety about the additives and the calories, I have not really fretted over this deviation from the norm. I think the anxiety I feel when I 'go off track' is because, in the past, this would always herald the coming of a binge. Now I can (almost) accept it as just a slightly unusual meal. I'm getting there, slowly. Then I had my almond butter fail and my mid afternoon snack was three nut and dried fruit balls. Again, the minor freakout, then mentally slapping myself on the cheeks and telling myself to get over it, already.

Dinner will be a full o'veg soup (with a bacon hock in there) and then we are going out to see Eclipse - the movie, not the actual Eclipse. No exercise today. Having a lazy one.

Goal 57, Day 4

As per last elimination diet, my weight is dropping steadily even though I feel like I'm eating a lot. In fact, every day I feel like I've eaten enough to probably gain weight, but it's not happening. This morning I was 57.7kg, so just 700g to my next goal. Yessss! I've got dinner at mums tonight, so let's see how that works out for the currently happy relationship between me and the Tanita scales.

I have also noted another big improvement in my arthritis, which has already improved outta sight since I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. Yesterday I flopped myself on the floor in a cross-legged position and didn't even notice a twinge. This morning I did yoga and again, that little twinge that remained in certain positions, is even littler.

I've started an 'exercise first thing' schedule, but it's hardly strenuous. I did 20 mins of cardio on Tuesday, 20 minutes of bodyweight exercises on Wednesday, skipped yesterday and half an hour of yoga this morning. Getting moving first thing is a good way to set myself up for a great day, and seeing as I'm no longer into self-inflicted torture, I actually enjoy it. I used to put myself through workouts that were hell from start to finish and that involved hours of pre-workout dread. No more!

My eating schedule goes something like this:

Breakfast: usually a banana

Lunch: Today it was a mega chicken salad (not a boring salad, but with lots of different veges), heaps of steamed kale and a fig with almond butter.

Mid afternoon: fruit and probably some nuts, or a lara bar, or some chocolate. ;)

Then, and this is why I've been feeling like a glutton, about 5pm I've been getting a hunger attack and indulging it, usually with another lara bar and some more fruit, or leftover lunch. Yesterday It was a lara bar and an apple.

Dinner: Some form of protein and more veges. On Wednesday I also had a slice of bread because it was all warm and organic and delicious and I'm trying not to be a food nazi. I was very, very tempted to scoff half a loaf of it and had to pull myself together with the 'how will I feel about this tomorrow?' cognitive technique.

Then: before bed I've been snacking on fruit if I get hungry.

See... lots of food. It's all good stuff though. I'm just going with my hunger and staying relaxed about it. I've been having one real espresso every second morning (and numerous decaf espresso's). I had half a glass of wine on Wednesday night and will undoubtedly have one tonight. Maybe two.. no, one. More than one and I'll have my head in the freezer, salivating over the cheap, nasty, maltodextrin-boosted icecream. Nobody wants to have to hear about that tomorrow.

Goal 57, Day 1

This morning I was 58.2kg. A staggering loss of... (ta daaaaah) 100g!!! Still, short term weightloss wasn't really the point of the elimination diet. My next goal is only 1.2kg away and I made a good start today, getting up early(ish) for 20 mins cardio and making sure that lunch and dinner were vege-heavy. Dinner was also slightly fat-heavy - it had bacon as an ingredient. I'll post some food pics over on the Sanaworld blog.

One espresso, pre-cardio. I figure this is a good use of caffeine. If it's going to crank my adrenals, at least I can thank my body for the buzz by putting it to good use!

Done!

This morning I woke up much earlier than usual, feeling perky. I didn't actually get up earlier, but it's a step in the right direction. It is the dead of winter here at the moment and it doesn't take much to encourage me to keep my toes warm.

I started the day still feeling a bit unmotivated, but at about 4pm I had what you might call a motivation attack, set down and few goals and got a bit of Sana stuff done. I was packing the cacao beans for dispatch to customers and, without thinking, opened a packet and munched a few. I considered getting back to the elimination diet for dinner, but ... nah. I've done well enough. Dinner was a beef curry, with an enormous salad. Weightwise, I don't feel like I've dropped a lot of weight, if any, but I'll get on the scales tomorrow morning to see.

My immediate weight goal is to get to 57kg, so I'll know where I am in relation to that goal tomorrow. I've had a think about how things are going for me, in terms of health and goal achievement and decided that, apart from the time management, I'd like to focus on more veges, particularly raw and to make more of an effort to exercise, even when I feel I can't spare the time for it! Actually, especially then, because that's when I most need the stress release. I'm going to keep my caffeine consumption at 5 shots a week (two completely caffeine-free days) and alcohol to one or (on special occasions) two glass/es a week. I also want to learn some techniques, such as fermentation, to allow me to eat more grain and nut products, just to jazz things up a bit.

Dinner:

Day 5 of 6

Today was much, much easier even though I've been having persistent, but not overwhelming, coffee and chocolate fantasies. I've noticed is that I'm sleeping much more heavily - probably due to the progressive systemic decaf. As a lifelong insomniac, I'm hoping for further improvement in this area if I stick with the lo-caf lifestyle.

I've been reading in health journals that it can take up to two weeks to start feeling normal after giving up coffee. Great. Just great. I've also been reading that once decaffed I should have more natural energy, so I'm holding on to that hope because, right now, my energy isn't anything worth blogging about. That is, unless you want to hear about how many hours I sat on the couch reading magazines.. I've been plotting a few improvements to my lifestyle, including some achievable (rather than over-ambitious) time management and more regular exercise. I've also been having some revelations about the many ways I still use food to soothe my anxieties about.. all of those things that worry me - and I'm a very, very accomplished worry-wart. I can lie awake at night worrying about the possibility of an asteroid hitting the Earth. You know, those kind of 'can't do anything about it' worries. But then, I can also worry myself into a frazzle about the possibility of something happening to someone I love, or even get into a tizz with the pressure of deciding which direction to take my studies or my business. Of course, right now, I can't really trust my brain anyway, with anxiety being a side-effect of caffeine withdrawal and all.. so maybe I'm just exaggerating my usual level of worry. I'll let you know in a week or so. Perhaps we will see a whole new Sara ;)

Today my food has been much the same as other days - fish, kumara, parsnip, pears. Peaches are also on the allowed foods list, but they are out of season. Again I used a tsp of olive oil, which is not 'on the list' but as I'm feeding my food to other people too, I make small concessions.

Last day tomorrow!

Day 4 of 6

Well, I think the worst of the caffeine withdrawal is over. I did a bit of reading last night and pretty much concluded that the problem is/was severe addiction to caffeine. I also noted that I have for quite some time exhibited symptoms of a condition called 'caffeinism' (insomnia, anxiety etc.) which can result from long term consumption of high levels of caffeine. I also read that it's a better idea to wean yourself off, rather than just go balls-to-the-wall, but you know.. it's done now. Just some minor aches and pains today and the 'blahness' continues, but I've also had moments of feeling pretty great.

My plan, post-elimination diet, is to really minimise my problem foods, which are chocolate, coffee (both high in caffeine) and alcohol. I think moderation would be one cup or less of real coffee a day, with a few non-caff days, and one or two glasses of wine a week. Chocolate, can be a kind of once or twice a week thing too. So that the new regime is not such a psychological shock to my system, I've bought some of this:

I'm sure my coffee machine will be insulted, but at least this way I can still have my espresso without going nuts. It would take 45 decaf espresso's to equal the caffeine in just one regular espresso. I tested it. It's not bad, and seems to behave well in the coffee machine. I could not find beans, only grounds, so it won't even contaminate the bean hopper and grinder mechanism on my beloved Saeco Royal Professional with cup-warmer.

Today I kept busy with brainless, fun tasks, like taking photo's to send to my niece overseas. I was definitely not feeling up to anything that involves my brain. I visited The Programmers parents (his mum is witnessing my new passport application) and I was certainly feeling a bit brain fogged when it came to conversation. I also left my application form on the table on the way out and forgot where the car was parked. I'd say not quite firing on all cylinders. I munched on pears, grilled up some fish and kumara for lunch and dinner will be a lamb soup seasoned only with salt (let's see how that works out).

Now I'm settled in for some net surfing and TV watching - really all I feel capable of tonight!

Day 3 of 6

Last time I did a six day elimination diet, day 3 was horrendous. I was aching all over, particularly in the lower abdominal area, and had hardly slept because of shooting pains down my legs and total inability to find a position that didn't hurt. I ended up taking some panadol just to get some sleep. And then, the sensation persisted for most of day 3. I had trouble believing that such symptoms could be attributed to a simple diet and so concluded that I'd probably had a coincidental attack of the flu'. Imagine my surprise when the exact same cluster of symptoms started late last night.

Again, I hardly slept and again I resorted to painkillers just to get some sanity. This time I also lay awake thinking what the hell I could possibly have eliminated from my diet that could cause such a dramatic reaction. It has to be something I eat a lot, and that's not IN the elimination diet. Unless I'm reacting to apples, broccoli, onions, garlic or olive oil (all unlikely), it pretty much comes down to wine, chocolate or coffee.. and out of those three, coffee is definitely the most often consumed - as in every day, lots of it. After spending most of my unexpectedly busy day in pain and, I must admit, in a supremely negative frame of mind, I cracked and had one espresso. I'm going to write it off as experimental. Within a few minutes I noticed a major improvement in both my mood and the pain in my legs/back/abdomen. Could this really be just caffeine withdrawal? It seems almost unbelievable, but perhaps it is. Post-elimination diet, I seriously need to moderate my caffeine intake. I managed it quite well after the last elimination, but slowly my espresso intake crept back to my usual 7 ish shots a day.

Of course, after my little caffeine hit (practically a homeopathic dose compared to my usual consumption.. or your average Starbucks) I got all excited about the possibility of having another one, possibly followed by a nice, big glass of wine at dinner. However, I managed to reign myself in and finish the day without blanking out into lalalala-I-Don't-Care-What-I-Eat-Now land. I had my mother over for dinner and, as the cook, it was pretty easy to make a compliant meal. I haven't actually told anyone that I'm doing an elimination diet. It's just regular food anyway, not like I'm walking around slurping up protein shakes instead of eating meals. Tonights meal was swordfish fillets with veges roasties. I did use a little olive oil on the roasties. Then for the other diners I made mashed potatoes and everyone was happy. I avoided the wine by claiming a 'funny tummy' (not even a lie).

Half way done and hopefully I'm past the worst and heading into the fun stuff ;)

Day 2 of 6

About 10pm last night I developed a raging headache, which persisted all night. I woke up numerous times and realised it was still there, but luckily, by the time morning came by, it had evaporated. I'd say that's the evil caffeine beast just parading rampantly through my neurons on it's way out of my bloodstream.

Mostly I've just had a feeling of extreme 'unmotivation' (the opposite of motivation). You might call it 'The Blahs'. You know.. it's taken me hours just to unload and load the dishwasher. I had a few Sana Direct tasks to do, but otherwise put off everything today in favour of.. sleeping in and doing nothing. After the complete madness of last week (exams!), it's good to chill for a week anyway before going headfirst into the next semesters workload. I do have a bunch of other tasks to deal to, particularly updating the Sana site, but it can all wait 5 days. I'm sure nothing drastic will happen.

The one thing I'm not is hungry. The elimination diet does not involve calorie controlled deprivation, although I do note that last time I did count calories as I was still living the calorie-nervous lifestyle. On day two last time I developed a backache that was pretty extreme and only scrawled a few words in my diary ('ugh, backache, kidney pain, hip pain... ugh'). None of that this time, in fact I really haven't suffered backache this year, possibly due to the cleaner diet, or the MSM or maybe even because I'm training with less intensity.

I'm not taking my usual supplements for the six days of the elimination, but will get right back onto those next Tuesday. Some people think that the elimination diet is about identifying food sensitivities, and it does help with that, but the main point of it is to provide a healing experience for the digestive system, which can take a pounding under the insults of daily life. The basic idea is that if the gut is damaged and not fulfilling it's role as regulator of what enters the bloodstream, then naturally occurring substances, such as certain food lectins, are more prone to 'get through' and cause havoc by, for example, binding to glycoproteins in the joints. This is the 'dummies' version of how the gut-joints connection works. There is also some research suggesting that lectins may hinder the leptin receptors (similar name, but different thing), which results in increased appetite. It's all very interesting.

Todays eats on the Elimination Diet

Breakfast: grabbed a pear

Lunch: Baked makerel and kumara

Snacks: Leftover lunch, raw carrots, another couple of pears

Dinner: Lamb chop, baked kumara, parsnip mash, carrot sticks.

I'll probably have another pear before I go to bed. I know.. it's all too exciting.

Day 1 of 6

My first mission of the day was to get everything I'm going to need over the next 6 days before the caffeine withdrawl kicks in! I got everything except the courgettes from my local organic shop. Courgettes are not in season and I got some Australian ones from the supermarket. Then I headed to the fish market for makerel and Akaroa cod. I also got some swordfish for Friday because I'm supposed to be going out for dinner with my mum. My plan is to have her over here for dinner instead so that I can stay on plan. Then I headed over to the butcher to get organic lamb chops. I also got some fizzy water and some Argentinean Mate tea - er.. I know there is caffeine in that. It's my 'just in case' purchase (just in case I have to be on-the-ball and don't feel up to it).

I grabbed a pear on the way out the door, grilled a fish and baked a kumara for lunch, grilled up a lamb chop mid-afternoon (eaten with some raw carrots) and am doing a mix of veges and makerel (baked) for dinner. I don't imagine there will be a lot of culinary inventiveness over the next week, but it doesn't have to be awful. I'm thinking of making a meaty soup tomorrow. It's winter, the season for soupiness.

I'm feeling fine. Well, a bit more fragile than usual, but it's easy to handle when I know why I feel that way. Today, of all days, the supermarket decided to completely change their layout. Everything is not where I'm used to finding it and I was feeling unreasonably angry about it. Then I reminded myself that I can expect to have a short-fuse for the next few days and got over it. So, why I am I doing this to myself?

The main reason is because last time I did an elimination diet it had a lasting positive effect on both my arthritis (which I actually never notice anymore) and my weight, which continued to drop over the weeks after the diet and settled at about 3kg lighter. Post-diet, I had nil food cravings and since then I have not had the overwhelming urges to eat sugar or binge that I used to have. I've also managed to maintain a far healthier diet, so it's all good. It seems that, for me, doing an elimination diet once or twice a year should be a good health maintenance habit. The fact that my arthritis has improved so noticeably has given me a lot to think about in my Health Scientist brain. I'm veering toward the theory that arthritis (even osteo-arthritis) has a metabolic component and is not just a case of wear and tear.

My brain feels a bit 'foggy' and I intend to take it really easy over the next two days especially, which are supposed to be the hardest. This may involve a large amount of dedicated lazing around. ;))

It's been a while!

Gosh, I cannot believe that it's been more than 6 months since I updated the lab. That's life, huh? At last weigh in I was 57.9kg and yesterday I was 58.3, a few days before that I was 57.8kg, so I'd call that maintenance.

It hasn't all been easy sailing, but generally I'd say that I've beaten the binges and developed what I'd call a fairly normal, slightly edgy, relationship with food. I'll never be able to just eat whatever, whenever, but I can do what I'm doing. Exercising is a little bit random. A bit of this and that. Over the last three weeks I've been studying for exams and exercise has been very random. One day I did a few yoga stretches, another day I jumped on the bike for 20 minutes, and yet.. I'm not turning to flab. I do still struggle with urge to binge sometimes, but the very strange this is, I usually eat a bit, then stop. It is always after a few wines. Today is Tuesday and Sunday was a near binge. I'd been studying hard all day and about 5pm I decided to have a glass of wine.. on an empty stomach. I knew it was a fatal combination - stress, wine, no food - but I did it anyway and an hour later I raided the cupboard, fully thinking that I was about to binge. I scoffed a few muesli bars, total calorie count about 650. Then I was uncomfortably full. I think the non-bingeing has had a definite effect. I cannot handle that 'too full' feeling anymore and just stop eating. The binge is gone. However...

I now want to lose a little bit of weight, without ressurrecting The Binge. What worked last time was a short elimination diet, followed by six months of regular, but healthy eating. I've been reading http://wholehealthsource.blogspot.com and, although it seems a fringe theory, I think that the six days of elimination I did somehow altered my metabolism or did something to my leptin receptors. Since then I have been pretty consistent with my paleo diet, adding in some dairy and occasional grains and the even more occasional real splurge. I'm consistent without being 'anal'. The difference from times when I dieted down using reduced calories is that I have not had terrible rebound hunger. In fact, at the end of the six days 'dieting' I was less hungry than usual and that has remained. I'm just thinking. I'm not saying one thing or the other, but, as a budding health scientist I am thinking about hormones and lectins. You know... just speculating. And, you'll be hearing more about that. It's not all about hormones though. I'm just eating less than I used to, because I'm less hungry. So, it's calories and content. The content makes the calorie control an automatic thing.

So, I'm intending another elimination diet starting tomorrow and this time you'll get the blow by blow account. The hard part is giving up the coffee and I think it's necessary, as coffee is a bean. So, the next six days is my elimination diet as per diet.net.nz . So, I'll be off to the fish market tomorrow then!