Life in the Lab

Testing

2011-10-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

For my main blog, head over to Sanaworld.

I'm just using The Lab for a bit of blog design testing at the moment. My skill with templates is.... astoundingly absent.. but I'm working on it!

I'm hoping this will show up as a sort of post summary and you can click for the full post.

Which will be here:

With delicious and inspiring pics and so on:

Breakthrough!

2011-03-24T22:24:00.001-07:00

Ok, well it took .. about a year, but last week I finally cracked the 57kg barrier. I never said this was one of those fast fatloss blogs... ;)

I'm mostly blogging over at Sanaworld these days, mostly about my earthquake and everything that eventuated from that. Once life is a bit more normal, I will pop in now and then for a purely weight and food related rant.

No news is good news.

2010-12-14T12:53:00.000-08:00

When last heard from, four and a half months ago, our heroine was vainly trying to squish 6 weeks worth of girly necessities into her overly-small trolley bag and feeling slight trepidation about the possibility of maintaining her weightloss in the land of apfelstrudel, kaiserfleish and (possibly) bridezilla ...

**************************************************************************

Fast forward six-point-five weeks from lift-off and I was back in NZ and ready to assess the damage. I had been nervous about being without any empirical method of monitoring my weight while travelling. I even considered packing my scales before a rare common-sense moment made me realise that this bordered on lunacy, given the compactness of my trolley bag. It turns out that all that fretting was just wasted energy - the morning of departure I was 57.6kg, and at the post-travel scale showdown I was an even 58kg. I may have allowed myself a 'heroine returns victorious "woohooooooo"'.

Since then, my weight has remained solidly in the range of 57.5 to 58.5. Yesterday it was 57.8; today, after last nights carby dinner, it's 58.2. In 2010 my weight did not exceed 60kg, although it got perilously close after I got recklessly over-confident with the easter eggs. I have not yet managed to break the 57kg barrier, however, it's not as if I've been trying very hard. My approach while travelling, and generally, trends toward a loose mix of relaxed eating followed by slightly more controlled eating. In other words, I exhibit the signs of being a common, garden-variety normal eater. One thing which has definitively separated the past year from other times when I have flunked weightloss maintenance 101, is an almost complete absence of high volume or recurring binge eating episodes. Not that I haven't overeaten, or binged. I have, many times, and every time I panicked a little, fearing it was the beginning-of-the-end of my eating sanity. But, every time I managed to set myself back on my wobbly feet and start immediately making steps in the right direction.

The weeks surrounding my sisters wedding were particularly challenging, with some days being a cycle of mini-binge, pull myself together, mini-binge, forgive myself, journal it down, deep breaths, mental agitation, edge-of-tears, mini-binge.... Until that point, it had been smooth sailing, mostly because The Programmer and I were travelling as a duo and I could set the schedule, e.g. sharing the most perfect apfelstrudel at my usual afternoon snack time after a day of perfect, butt-moving sightseeing exercise. Once in Liechtenstein, there was a full-house of excitable relatives, all of whom I love dearly but whom can drive me bonkers in that particular way that only family can manage. The schedule was out of my control, there was more sitting around, far more alcohol consumption, constant presence of delicious carby stuff, it was sometimes very stressful, I was anticipating shortly leaving my niece and sister behind again, and generally it was just a whole lot harder to keep things on track. I quite often found myself using the 'give it three days' thought control process. That is, if I had, for example, had too many wines and woken up with a disturbing memory of having ferociously attacked the bread basket, I would avoid indulging a state of defeat by determining to refocus and see how I felt in three days. Even if I only managed two good days, this was usually enough to de-bloat and feel in control again. The only seriously out of control eating day was the actual wedding, but I don't really count that as a binge because, for a start, the food was truly indulgence worthy. Secondly, I had been practically force fed more than a little extremely expensive champers, was drunk to the point of being cross-eyed and, well.. I wasn't standing at the dessert table eating with my hands or anything. ;)

Once home, just as I was settling back into my normal routine, the city where I live was thrown into chaos by a 7.1 earthquake, which was widely reported as 'massive' and which tipped me into immediate food insecurity and a state of feeling ridiculously vulnerable. Indeed, being without power (no coffee machine!) or running water, and knowing the the supermarket is closed while they mop up the wine aisle, was very worrying. However, to my surprise, I managed to more or less keep things on track, even with limited food options. In fact, it was good to feel in control in that one area, when everything else was, quite literally, very shaky.

Even in the middle of all that, I had time to reflect that the relationship between me and comfort eating is definitely changing. There were times when I've subjectively recognised myself in 'that state' where in the past I would have binged. The 'I need something' phase of pre-binge. A couple of times I even started what could have been a binge but stopped when I began to feel physically full. I recall one incident when I was sleep-deprived, stressed by a large aftershock, running drastically late on my university work and had just argued with a family member. I had just consoled myself with a large buttery sandwich and was getting started on the nut butter jar when I began to feel.. a bit silly. Almost as if I was watching myself and finding it all a bit ridiculous. I was full and didn't want to keep eating. I wasn't getting anything out of it, it clearly wasn't going to stop aftershocks or cause assignments to write themselves, and I just... stopped. Therefore, it was overeating, even comfort eating, but definitely not a binge episode. It didn't have a huge impact on my weight, I felt mildly annoyed but not devastated by my behaviour, and it didn't open the door to further binge eating.

Digging into the 'how' of getting to this stage, and of being able to manage situations like travel, family drama, stress and intense emotions will be the subject of future posts - this one is already quite epic! The main things, I think, are fronting up to problems/negative emotions and learning to look after myself when I'm dealing with something stressy. I've also gleaned some insights from my recent academic research into Binge Eating Disorder which I intend to edit into something vaguely readable and post it on The Lab. In the meantime, I wish you all a fantastic christmas. My terribly complicated plan is simply to keep my head screwed on and focus my mind on the possibility of maintaining this hard earned weightloss right through the *danger zone* of red wine, brandy snaps and free chocolate. And, if I can do it (with my acknowledged fondness of all things foodie and celebratory), then so can you! Good luck, fellow heroines! Let's raise a glass to being fabulouser than ever in 2011!

Goal? Uh - not quite

2010-07-24T23:37:00.000-07:00

This morning I finally got on the scales, knowing it will be the last time that I'll be able to do that for five weeks - 57.6kg. I was hoping to have been below 57, but don't feel disappointed.

I'm feeling good. I have been eating regularly and normally, have managed one party and several meals out (including one where the options were, pasta, rice or pasta and rice) and I'm only feeling mild anxiety about the uncertain food situations which will be the reality of every meal while I'm travelling. The next three or four days will be the toughest, with random sleep, jetlag and airport food. I have packed snacks for the first 10 hour flight, but as we stop in Korea for a day, I'm not too sure if I'll be able to keep what I don't eat on the plane.

I'm focusing, and will continue to focus on eating for the lifestyle that I want, and the body that I want - healthy, lean, fit. I'm eating as the person I want to be, rather than the person I currently am, physically. That seems to be working, so I'll stick with it. Tonight I looked at the pork I was about to cook and thought 'what would 52kg me choose as a portion?'. I chose the smaller piece, rather than the larger one I would usually have eaten, and I still feel full.

Ok, wish me luck and I'm on my way! 3.30am wakeup call, I'm all yours!

57 -6 Meeting the Challenges

2010-07-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of those days which is great on one level (spending time with family, going to the movies) but desperately challenging when it comes to managing my food. It would have been easy to just give up.

For a start I am sleep deprived. I slept last night on the floor in my brothers lounge and, although comfortable enough, I didn't sleep that great. I'm not actually a great or deep sleeper even under ideal conditions, so this is nothing unusual. Except that, come morning, my niece (10 months) and nephew (3 years old yesterday) came in to open his belated presents and it was all over, rover, for the sleeping attempt.

I knew that we were in for the movies at 12 noon so had a bigger than usual breakfast (banana on toast), but even before the movie started I was super hungry. Telling myself that another couple of hours wouldn't make much difference, I stayed calm and got through fine. However, after the movie, there were things to pick up and groceries to get and it was about 2.30 by the time we finally found somewhere to have lunch. By then I was feeling really grumpy and a bit shaky. I was, by that point, just trying to prevent myself throwing a toddler-like tantrum and bursting into tears! (very unattractive in a grown woman). The selection at the only cafe near the supermarket was dire, from a Sara point of view. Everything seemed to have tomatoes, potatoes or peppers in it (all nightshades) so I settled for a chicken and cranberry panini, leaving about half the bread. I also ate an apple from the grocery haul. I gave my lara bar to my brother because, being completely gluten free, there was literally nothing that he could eat. Cafe food is always the hardest challenge for anyone on a 'special' diet. I had another apple once we got back home.

Now that I've regained sanity, I'm pretty much 'home and hosed' for the day. I offered to cook dinner, which takes care of the unknown factor (it will be fish and veges + bread for the bread-eaters). I focused on sticking to my schedule and keeping my head on. Panicking always makes me irrational. The thing is, a bit of bread won't actually make me fat, or cause my arthritis to flare. It's constant, or excessive, consumption that causes an issue. 'The dose makes the poison', as the wholehealth source guy likes to say. Sometimes, in the real world, realism means making the best choice possible and concentrating on enjoying the company, even if I'm not being 'perfect'. That's life. ;)

57 -9M

2010-07-14T03:49:00.000-07:00

All good.. well, apart from the glass and half of wine that I had yesterday with dinner.. and today.

However, everything else has been on schedule. I did my cardio yesterday and my weights today. I find exercise to be essential, not just for my body, but for my mind. In fact, more for my mind than my body. There is something about training that just puts me in an 'I can cope' mood. The annoying thing is that when I'm in an 'arrrrrgh, I can't cope' moment, it's hard to motivate myself to exercise. That's why I'm trying to do it as soon as I get up. When I look back on times when I did successfully lose weight there are two things that are consistent. 1. I was exercising on a schedule and 2. I was on some sort of relatively sane eating plan. And, by 'plan', I don't necessarily mean anything really difficult. I did the zone diet for ages before I read the book. I just skimmed through it at the library, got the idea and started combining protein and carbs at each meal without much thought to quantity or quality. That worked. I did Body for Life, that worked, I did Atkins, that worked. I did calorie counting, that really worked, except I took it too far and wigged out into starve-binge land. So now I'm kind of on the Sara plan, which is a bit of everything I've learned. Lots of veges and fruit, proteins and fats, some nuts and beans, a little sheeps milk cheese (really my only dairy) and .. everything else in extreme moderation, when I feel like it, with control. I've de-caffed down to a sane level (although I did go a bit woo-hoo on the mate tea today - then Googled and found it is packed with caffeine and theobromine.. oops) and my alcohol consumption is pretty average. I'd say I'm 90% where I want to be, just working through the last of the stress and distress eating.

As part of my studies I am reading through tens of binge eating studies, to decide on which ones to include in my report. It's been distinctly helpful. The thing I'm onto now is mindfulness. That is centering myself. Dealing with what is right in front of me, realising I do have choices, right here, right now, realising that my automatic thoughts are not necessarily true and that I can choose to think and act in a different way to usual. I used it tonight. It was an hour or so from dinner and I was a little bit hungry. My first reaction to hunger is always a bit of panic - I have to eat, now. Instead I took stock. I told myself that I wasn't really super hungry. That dinner was just an hour away and that I'd enjoy it much more if I didn't spoil my appetite with a snack. I relaxed my mind and decided to get a bit of work done while dinner cooked. And, look! I didn't even starve to death between that moment and dinner time. Amazing.

The weekend is coming. I'm looking forward greatly to seeing my brother and family,but also mildly daunted by the prospect of managing my eating in an out-of-home situation. Good practice for the upcoming trip around Europe. At least since I started eating more fruit and got less anal about having to eat protein six times a day, it's all gotten a lot easier... I'll be fine.. breathe.. breathe...

57 -11

2010-07-11T23:22:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of those very borderline days. It was an 'almost binge' day. A good chance to look at those things that make me want to stuff my face. Now what could it have been?

1. Well, there was the having a sudden rush on WPC, right before I'm going away and running out of stock.

2. Then there was the mad calling around trying to get some more in quickly, even more than I already had on order.

3. And finding out that my usual supplier won't have any more until October.

4. Then paying out over $1000 for it.

5. Then organising things with the new manufacturer

6. Then getting an email from the NZFSA asking for some last minute amendments on some documents I thought were finished.

7. And having a real problem locating suitable articles for my Health Psych assignment.

8. And, just, TIME PRESSURE because I'm flying out in a fortnight and I'm not at my goal weight and I've got so much to do and I don't know if I can get it all done and I'm freaking out.

And, so, what happens? Mid afternoon I got an outrageous urge to snack, and did. I also got the urge to have a big glass of wine, but didn't. In retrospect, that may have been the better choice ;-/ Considering the outrageous eating behaviour that followed, I could hardly have done worse with a glass of vino in me.

Obviously, if I'm going to get to my goal weight, random attacks of overeating are not going to help. I need to find a better way to manage those icky things like stress, tiredness, pressure and, did I mention stress? I also need to not skip my training like I did today and yesterday. I'm not sure what this would have done to my now 11 day goal, but will see on .. well, 11 days from now. Still heaps of time, at least for THAT.

Ironically, the final straw which sent me to the icecream today was researching binge eating disorder. I'm having issues finding the studies that cover the issues I want to cover and I was getting really, really antsy. I know what THIS is. It's perfectionism, and my studies at least have taught me that perfectionism is a personality trait that predisposes one to binge eating. I've got heaps of studies to chose from. If I only used the ones I've already printed, I'd at least get a 'B', but no, I have to find the perfect ones, and because I can't, I lost it.

Losing it meant some icecream, some chocolate. a banana and some marshmallows (all in a bowl together.. that was delish). Then a larger than normal dinner, including a bread roll, and a muesli bar for dessert. I could definitely eat more, but I'm not going to. I'm using this blog post as catharsis and getting back to myself. A splurge on Friday and a splurge on Monday is not going to get me where I want to be. My goal now is to get through the next 11 days without incident. I'm also resetting my goal to 57.3, which is equal to the lowest I've been in the last 6 months and somehow, seems achievable.

57 -13

2010-07-10T03:47:00.000-07:00

Last night, being Friday, I let myself off the leash a little. I had a couple of wines, a bit of chocolate and some naan bread with cheese melted in it, but otherwise it was a normal day. I was too scared to get on the scales this morning, and I did notice the slight, very slight feeling of 'can't be bothered-ness' and burbling anxiety that is always there the morning after alcohol. I'm beginning to think that I'll just go alcohol-free. I don't miss it, really. It's certainly a long way from a couple of months ago when the most exciting part of the day was 'wine o'clock'. I'm not going to say 'never' though. I'd like to be one of those people that has one 'now and then' and doesn't think anything of it. Same with coffee.

Today I got up.. nope, that's not quite right. I woke up, played on my computer for a bit, in bed, then got up and did a wii-fit workout, with weights added. As I said, I did not weigh myself, and I'm not going to for the next 13 days because that's what I did last week and it was better. I focused instead on the process - getting my head straight, managing my time, eating well, exercising, drinking that water, relaxing. I've got a lot to do over the next few weeks and the last thing I need is being distracted by the inevitable ups and downs of the scale. I'm motivated enough to reach my goal by the firm fit of the dress I bought today.

At lunchtime we headed out to shop with my mum. My goal was to get a dress, and quickly, no pissing around. I tried on at least 10, they all fit in size 10, some better than others. The size 12's were all too big, even though the shop assistant told me I looked fabulous in everything *rolls eyes*. Finally I found one that didn't make me look top heavy. The 12 was definitely too roomy, and the 10 looks 'quite good' but feels much closer fitting than I'm used to. Dressing room lights are never kind, and I did have some negative body thoughts, mainly about my arms, which are not at their most toned.. yet. I just kept up the positive self talk. It's only a matter of time, Sara. Most things take longer than you think they will.

I'd made a point to eat lunch before we went, but after dress shopping, and shoe shopping, was feeling ravenous! To my surprise, when I checked the time it was nearly 4pm. We ended up at Starbucks and I tried something called a Protein Cookie. Blecch, one bite was enough. I should have checked the ingredients. As the Programmer said when I made him taste it, 'it's like they tried to make it taste of food'. I ate a small amount of my mothers berry pastry (trying to choose the most 'berried' bits!) and then had an apple when we got home. Dinner tonight was a lean beef loaf and veges, probably too much roast parsnips and kumara, but I'm trying not to dwell on that.

At the moment, structure is working for me. Four meals, no nibbling. I'll need this guideline for when I'm travelling, and there's a lot of that coming up. As long as I can keep my head on, I'll be fine. ;)

Goal 57, -14

2010-07-09T05:44:00.000-07:00

58.1 kg

(note: I've no idea why there is highlighting on certain words in this post. I accidentally hit some random keys on my laptop when I nearly dropped it and can't figure out how to remove it!).

I've actually had a really good week. No alcohol (apart from tonight, it's Friday dinner with mum), only 5 caffeinated beverages, nearly daily exercise, no serious food deviations - only non-neurotic ones. You know, the sort where you think about adding some sheeps milk cheese to your salad, wrestle with the idea for 30 seconds and then decide to do it, in spite of the fact that it's a non-dairy day.

I've decided to get to 57 in 14 days from today, and it's totally achievable, albeit, with a bit of application. The 57 barrier has been eluding me for a while! It's like that slippery fish that keeps escaping through my fingers. However, I remember when 60kg was that fish, therefore I know I can do it. It's a matter of adjusting my eating and lifestyle a little more in the direction of the body I want. I'm thinking .. simple adjustments like not indulging quite so much on a Friday night, reducing portions slightly and, for sure, being a little less.. erm... liberal with the olive oil. Realistically, the last one is probably most important! I'm very free and easy with fats and oils. Olive oil, coconut oil - these are my favourites.

One thing I have noted is that my hip, knee and ankle are playing up. This week I have eaten far more nuts and more dairy than usual (including a cheese-heavy omelette today at lunch), so it's probably some sort of reaction to those. It's not a serious flare up, but it is bothering me slightly, especially the right knee. The joint pain I have, as per the MRI scans I have had, is caused by fluid pockets that form - apart from the hip, which is osteo-arthritic. Fluid is inflammation. Inflammation is a reaction to an allergen. So, I'll cut the dairy and nuts for the next week (which includes my Lara bars!) and see what happens, then I'll add back one or the other and try and figure out which one is the devil in disguise.

Today I found the most amazing cafe. They don't even have an internet site, but are located next to Piko wholefoods in Christchurch. They seem to make everything from scratch and the chef works in the shop. This is a major find for someone like me that avoids nightshades like they were arsenic. She was able to answer all my questions, informed me that the lentil patties contained tomato paste and that the soup had some potato in it, and served up a perfect lunch. Nightshades seem to be a real problem for my joints and for my body. Last time I accidentally ate some, in the form of a seafood chowder, two things happened. First I noticed immediately an overwhelming, bitter 'potato' taste, which The Programmer could not detect when he tasted it. Second, I felt ill to my stomach, hot, nauseas. This tells me.. don't eat that.

Ok, buckle up. It might be a bumpy ride but that 57kg barrier is going down! Then I'm only 5kg from my ultimate goal weight, where I'll suddenly be rich and gorgeous, motivated and perfect in every way. ;-) Obviously.

*rolls off the couch laughing*

Goal 57.. bleh...

2010-07-02T22:16:00.000-07:00

58.3 kg

Actually, I should be pleased that it's not more! Having achieved quite well in my University exams, I embarked on a flurry of celebration which was definitely not what my weight goal required. And, so I see the return of that stubborn 500-600g - the same ones that keep turning up like the worlds most annoying door-to-door Jehovah's witness.

However, again, I'd expect to deflate over the next couple of days and I'm resetting my '57' goal to the 15th July. Seeing as I'll be away that weekend, I want to get there by then. I also actually took some progress photo's today to get a check as to where I am, looks-wise. I think I'm doing 'ok'. Definitely an improvement on last year. I'm not far from my goal, but would like to have less flabby bits - in common with nearly every developed-country female on earth. Sometimes I think, why not just settle where I am? I'm 'normal', I can shop and find clothes, I'm leaner that I was at 20, why not just be happy where I am?

Today I was thinking this over and realised something cool. I am happy where I am. I'm fine. I've been up and down the scales enough to know that my life will not be improved in any real way by losing the last 10 lbs. But, I still want to be a bit leaner. I can tell that I'm still carrying some excess, by bodyfat% is still about 27%. I'd prefer not to have overly lumpy bits when I wear a bikini or a no-sleeves top, my joints feel better when I'm lighter, my cholesterol still hovers on the border of normal/high, and, for many reasons, I want to be fitter than I am. My *big goal* is 52kg, but if I reach nirvana at 55 or 54 that will do.

Today I went shopping and, in the middle of trying stuff on, it gently occurred to me how far I've come. I used to absolutely hate shopping. Nothing ever fit right and usually I'd leave the shop, having bought nothing, feeling like I wanted to die. Then, usually, I'd console myself with something yummy, mentally berating myself for having a defective body shape. Today I was just like all the other girls. I was in 'Cue', a shop with notoriously small sizing, and we were all trying on dresses, some fit, some didn't. Some fit round the top but were voluminous at the bottom, one bagged out at the back. But, in all that time, I only had one body conscious thought and that was when I tried on an 'almost too small' size 10 and it gave me unattractive lumps under the arms. I thought 'ewwww, look at that fat', but quickly adjusted my thoughts to accommodate the fact that the cut of the dress was just too tight around the arms. Bodies come in all sizes and so do dresses. It's not the fault of the body if the dress is the wrong size. What a concept.

Goal 57, day 9

2010-06-29T23:12:00.000-07:00

57.7 kg

Ok, well, that's better, and surprising, considering that last nights dinner was beef stroganoff - minus the noodles for me. I've been eating a bit more dairy (stroganoff has sour cream in it) and haven't noticed any ill effects at all. It certainly doesn't seem to affect my weight. During yoga this morning I did notice a bit of lower back pain, not severe, but there. I wondered if it could have been a reaction to the almost daily dairy consumption. My back pain is, according to the MRI, due to a buildup of fluid in the SI joint. As fluid accumulates with inflammation, I've noticed that food does affect my backpain. At first I thought this was just me being a bit crazy, but then I met a successful bodybuilder whom has suffered a similar back injury to myself and he told me that part of the reason he finds it easy to stick to his diet year round is that refined carbs make his back twinge. Not just me then.

Oh, I did have 1.5 glasses of wine last night. Beef Stroganoff also has red wine in it and it was just the thing. It did not lead to a splurge though, possibly because the fat in the dinner prevented it going to my head. Caffeine is turning out to be remarkably easy to manage since I found decaf beans. In the morning I empty out the caffeinated beans from the hopper. I can't get them all out, so there are maybe 10 left in the burr. I top it up with decaf beans and then use the machine as per usual during the day. So, psychologically, no change at all. The first espresso of the day is probably a half strength caff, but I'm not going to get freaky about that. At end of day I turf out the decaf beans and fill it up again with caff'd ones so that The Programmer doesn't miss his caffeine hit in the morning. I hate to think what would eventuate if that happened!

I've started back on my creaky joints mix of MSM and n-acetyl-d-glucosamine.

Eating today was:

1. banana

2. leftover beef stroganoff, salad

3. lara bar

4. citrus marinated makerel, steamed swede, salad (+ erm, glass of vino).

Goal 57, Day 8

2010-06-28T23:44:00.000-07:00

58 kg

I've had a little setback. On Saturday night, it seemed like a great idea to have a few vino's before heading out to the movies... Predictably, I then felt quite free to indulge myself in an enormous dinner + dessert. It was not a binge, but I did gain 600g overnight and am just de-bloating now. I'm not too worried. If I eat certain things, particularly wheat or a really high-sodium meal, I do tend to gain a lot of weight which generally takes three or four days to diminish again. Tomorrow should look better, although I may need to adjust my goal. Maybe. Tomorrow I'll decide on that.

As my weight comes down I'm finding it easier to deal with the inevitable weight fluctuations. I've been doing a lot of reading lately on Binge Eating Disorder (abbreviated to BED) for a university assignment and was surprised to find that the research tends to suggest that weightloss seems to reduce the incidence of binge eating episodes. The reason this was surprising is that everything I'd read to this point suggested that you should forget about losing weight while recovering from BED. From my point of view, losing weight has had a positive effect because when I DO overindulge and gain a little weight, it's just not so distressing. Which, in turn, reduces the anxiety which makes me want to binge. So, if I munch a huge slice of ciabatta and bloat up to 58.2kg, well that's still a hell of a lot less than a year ago when a 'fat day' was 64kg or more. I can handle it with more decorum. It doesn't throw me into a panic. It feels manageable. I think also, the aspect of having more 'wiggle room' in what the scales might say does reduce the urge to splurge. For example, I can indulge myself a little, knowing that I'll still be within my 'mentally acceptable' weight range the next day, even if I gain a bit. Contrast this from the days when I would deny, deny and deny myself anything which might make me gain even a little weight. The ensuing mental struggle of 'I want it but I CAN'T have it' would most likely stress me out so much that I'd eat it anyway, then feel like a failure and probably binge.

The mind is a very funny thing...

So, today and yesterday, eating was on-plan. I'm still doing 1 espresso every second morning and alcohol consumption has been more or less.. ok. ;-/

Yesterday I did 20 mins cardio, today I got on the Wii-fit and tomorrow is yoga class. All good.

Goal 57, Day 5 (trying to get there in 14 days)

2010-06-25T20:31:00.000-07:00

57.6kg

Last night I did behave myself, mostly. One glass of wine (good), but after dinner I did raid the crackers and cheese (not great, but not tragic). This morning, weight is down another 100g and the goal is in sight.

Unfortunately I woke up feeling very grumpy and still-tired. I'm not sure what that's about, just 'one of those things' that goes along with being me. It could also be that the vino messed with my brain chemicals after having practically none for two weeks. Today I was out shopping, it was past lunchtime and, for whatever reason - maybe because of the grumps - I decided that lunch was going to be a handful (8) chocolate covered strawberries. I thought about it. I really, seriously felt like eating some. I was exactly in the mood for the sweet, tangy, full of additives chocolate strawberries from the bulk bin section. I scoffed them in the car on the way home, then had a pear and a spoon of nut butter to.. erm.. balance it all out.

Apart from a very minor moment of anxiety about the additives and the calories, I have not really fretted over this deviation from the norm. I think the anxiety I feel when I 'go off track' is because, in the past, this would always herald the coming of a binge. Now I can (almost) accept it as just a slightly unusual meal. I'm getting there, slowly. Then I had my almond butter fail and my mid afternoon snack was three nut and dried fruit balls. Again, the minor freakout, then mentally slapping myself on the cheeks and telling myself to get over it, already.

Dinner will be a full o'veg soup (with a bacon hock in there) and then we are going out to see Eclipse - the movie, not the actual Eclipse. No exercise today. Having a lazy one.

Goal 57, Day 4

2010-06-24T18:34:00.000-07:00

As per last elimination diet, my weight is dropping steadily even though I feel like I'm eating a lot. In fact, every day I feel like I've eaten enough to probably gain weight, but it's not happening. This morning I was 57.7kg, so just 700g to my next goal. Yessss! I've got dinner at mums tonight, so let's see how that works out for the currently happy relationship between me and the Tanita scales.

I have also noted another big improvement in my arthritis, which has already improved outta sight since I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. Yesterday I flopped myself on the floor in a cross-legged position and didn't even notice a twinge. This morning I did yoga and again, that little twinge that remained in certain positions, is even littler.

I've started an 'exercise first thing' schedule, but it's hardly strenuous. I did 20 mins of cardio on Tuesday, 20 minutes of bodyweight exercises on Wednesday, skipped yesterday and half an hour of yoga this morning. Getting moving first thing is a good way to set myself up for a great day, and seeing as I'm no longer into self-inflicted torture, I actually enjoy it. I used to put myself through workouts that were hell from start to finish and that involved hours of pre-workout dread. No more!

My eating schedule goes something like this:

Breakfast: usually a banana

Lunch: Today it was a mega chicken salad (not a boring salad, but with lots of different veges), heaps of steamed kale and a fig with almond butter.

Mid afternoon: fruit and probably some nuts, or a lara bar, or some chocolate. ;)

Then, and this is why I've been feeling like a glutton, about 5pm I've been getting a hunger attack and indulging it, usually with another lara bar and some more fruit, or leftover lunch. Yesterday It was a lara bar and an apple.

Dinner: Some form of protein and more veges. On Wednesday I also had a slice of bread because it was all warm and organic and delicious and I'm trying not to be a food nazi. I was very, very tempted to scoff half a loaf of it and had to pull myself together with the 'how will I feel about this tomorrow?' cognitive technique.

Then: before bed I've been snacking on fruit if I get hungry.

See... lots of food. It's all good stuff though. I'm just going with my hunger and staying relaxed about it. I've been having one real espresso every second morning (and numerous decaf espresso's). I had half a glass of wine on Wednesday night and will undoubtedly have one tonight. Maybe two.. no, one. More than one and I'll have my head in the freezer, salivating over the cheap, nasty, maltodextrin-boosted icecream. Nobody wants to have to hear about that tomorrow.

Goal 57, Day 1

2010-06-22T02:08:00.000-07:00

This morning I was 58.2kg. A staggering loss of... (ta daaaaah) 100g!!! Still, short term weightloss wasn't really the point of the elimination diet. My next goal is only 1.2kg away and I made a good start today, getting up early(ish) for 20 mins cardio and making sure that lunch and dinner were vege-heavy. Dinner was also slightly fat-heavy - it had bacon as an ingredient. I'll post some food pics over on the Sanaworld blog.

One espresso, pre-cardio. I figure this is a good use of caffeine. If it's going to crank my adrenals, at least I can thank my body for the buzz by putting it to good use!

Done!

2010-06-21T00:49:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up much earlier than usual, feeling perky. I didn't actually get up earlier, but it's a step in the right direction. It is the dead of winter here at the moment and it doesn't take much to encourage me to keep my toes warm.

I started the day still feeling a bit unmotivated, but at about 4pm I had what you might call a motivation attack, set down and few goals and got a bit of Sana stuff done. I was packing the cacao beans for dispatch to customers and, without thinking, opened a packet and munched a few. I considered getting back to the elimination diet for dinner, but ... nah. I've done well enough. Dinner was a beef curry, with an enormous salad. Weightwise, I don't feel like I've dropped a lot of weight, if any, but I'll get on the scales tomorrow morning to see.

My immediate weight goal is to get to 57kg, so I'll know where I am in relation to that goal tomorrow. I've had a think about how things are going for me, in terms of health and goal achievement and decided that, apart from the time management, I'd like to focus on more veges, particularly raw and to make more of an effort to exercise, even when I feel I can't spare the time for it! Actually, especially then, because that's when I most need the stress release. I'm going to keep my caffeine consumption at 5 shots a week (two completely caffeine-free days) and alcohol to one or (on special occasions) two glass/es a week. I also want to learn some techniques, such as fermentation, to allow me to eat more grain and nut products, just to jazz things up a bit.

Dinner:

Day 5 of 6

2010-06-19T23:02:00.000-07:00

Today was much, much easier even though I've been having persistent, but not overwhelming, coffee and chocolate fantasies. I've noticed is that I'm sleeping much more heavily - probably due to the progressive systemic decaf. As a lifelong insomniac, I'm hoping for further improvement in this area if I stick with the lo-caf lifestyle.

I've been reading in health journals that it can take up to two weeks to start feeling normal after giving up coffee. Great. Just great. I've also been reading that once decaffed I should have more natural energy, so I'm holding on to that hope because, right now, my energy isn't anything worth blogging about. That is, unless you want to hear about how many hours I sat on the couch reading magazines.. I've been plotting a few improvements to my lifestyle, including some achievable (rather than over-ambitious) time management and more regular exercise. I've also been having some revelations about the many ways I still use food to soothe my anxieties about.. all of those things that worry me - and I'm a very, very accomplished worry-wart. I can lie awake at night worrying about the possibility of an asteroid hitting the Earth. You know, those kind of 'can't do anything about it' worries. But then, I can also worry myself into a frazzle about the possibility of something happening to someone I love, or even get into a tizz with the pressure of deciding which direction to take my studies or my business. Of course, right now, I can't really trust my brain anyway, with anxiety being a side-effect of caffeine withdrawal and all.. so maybe I'm just exaggerating my usual level of worry. I'll let you know in a week or so. Perhaps we will see a whole new Sara ;)

Today my food has been much the same as other days - fish, kumara, parsnip, pears. Peaches are also on the allowed foods list, but they are out of season. Again I used a tsp of olive oil, which is not 'on the list' but as I'm feeding my food to other people too, I make small concessions.

Last day tomorrow!

Day 4 of 6

2010-06-18T22:11:00.001-07:00

Well, I think the worst of the caffeine withdrawal is over. I did a bit of reading last night and pretty much concluded that the problem is/was severe addiction to caffeine. I also noted that I have for quite some time exhibited symptoms of a condition called 'caffeinism' (insomnia, anxiety etc.) which can result from long term consumption of high levels of caffeine. I also read that it's a better idea to wean yourself off, rather than just go balls-to-the-wall, but you know.. it's done now. Just some minor aches and pains today and the 'blahness' continues, but I've also had moments of feeling pretty great.

My plan, post-elimination diet, is to really minimise my problem foods, which are chocolate, coffee (both high in caffeine) and alcohol. I think moderation would be one cup or less of real coffee a day, with a few non-caff days, and one or two glasses of wine a week. Chocolate, can be a kind of once or twice a week thing too. So that the new regime is not such a psychological shock to my system, I've bought some of this:

I'm sure my coffee machine will be insulted, but at least this way I can still have my espresso without going nuts. It would take 45 decaf espresso's to equal the caffeine in just one regular espresso. I tested it. It's not bad, and seems to behave well in the coffee machine. I could not find beans, only grounds, so it won't even contaminate the bean hopper and grinder mechanism on my beloved Saeco Royal Professional with cup-warmer.

Today I kept busy with brainless, fun tasks, like taking photo's to send to my niece overseas. I was definitely not feeling up to anything that involves my brain. I visited The Programmers parents (his mum is witnessing my new passport application) and I was certainly feeling a bit brain fogged when it came to conversation. I also left my application form on the table on the way out and forgot where the car was parked. I'd say not quite firing on all cylinders. I munched on pears, grilled up some fish and kumara for lunch and dinner will be a lamb soup seasoned only with salt (let's see how that works out).

Now I'm settled in for some net surfing and TV watching - really all I feel capable of tonight!

Day 3 of 6

2010-06-17T23:57:00.000-07:00

Last time I did a six day elimination diet, day 3 was horrendous. I was aching all over, particularly in the lower abdominal area, and had hardly slept because of shooting pains down my legs and total inability to find a position that didn't hurt. I ended up taking some panadol just to get some sleep. And then, the sensation persisted for most of day 3. I had trouble believing that such symptoms could be attributed to a simple diet and so concluded that I'd probably had a coincidental attack of the flu'. Imagine my surprise when the exact same cluster of symptoms started late last night.

Again, I hardly slept and again I resorted to painkillers just to get some sanity. This time I also lay awake thinking what the hell I could possibly have eliminated from my diet that could cause such a dramatic reaction. It has to be something I eat a lot, and that's not IN the elimination diet. Unless I'm reacting to apples, broccoli, onions, garlic or olive oil (all unlikely), it pretty much comes down to wine, chocolate or coffee.. and out of those three, coffee is definitely the most often consumed - as in every day, lots of it. After spending most of my unexpectedly busy day in pain and, I must admit, in a supremely negative frame of mind, I cracked and had one espresso. I'm going to write it off as experimental. Within a few minutes I noticed a major improvement in both my mood and the pain in my legs/back/abdomen. Could this really be just caffeine withdrawal? It seems almost unbelievable, but perhaps it is. Post-elimination diet, I seriously need to moderate my caffeine intake. I managed it quite well after the last elimination, but slowly my espresso intake crept back to my usual 7 ish shots a day.

Of course, after my little caffeine hit (practically a homeopathic dose compared to my usual consumption.. or your average Starbucks) I got all excited about the possibility of having another one, possibly followed by a nice, big glass of wine at dinner. However, I managed to reign myself in and finish the day without blanking out into lalalala-I-Don't-Care-What-I-Eat-Now land. I had my mother over for dinner and, as the cook, it was pretty easy to make a compliant meal. I haven't actually told anyone that I'm doing an elimination diet. It's just regular food anyway, not like I'm walking around slurping up protein shakes instead of eating meals. Tonights meal was swordfish fillets with veges roasties. I did use a little olive oil on the roasties. Then for the other diners I made mashed potatoes and everyone was happy. I avoided the wine by claiming a 'funny tummy' (not even a lie).

Half way done and hopefully I'm past the worst and heading into the fun stuff ;)

Day 2 of 6

2010-06-16T19:15:00.000-07:00

About 10pm last night I developed a raging headache, which persisted all night. I woke up numerous times and realised it was still there, but luckily, by the time morning came by, it had evaporated. I'd say that's the evil caffeine beast just parading rampantly through my neurons on it's way out of my bloodstream.

Mostly I've just had a feeling of extreme 'unmotivation' (the opposite of motivation). You might call it 'The Blahs'. You know.. it's taken me hours just to unload and load the dishwasher. I had a few Sana Direct tasks to do, but otherwise put off everything today in favour of.. sleeping in and doing nothing. After the complete madness of last week (exams!), it's good to chill for a week anyway before going headfirst into the next semesters workload. I do have a bunch of other tasks to deal to, particularly updating the Sana site, but it can all wait 5 days. I'm sure nothing drastic will happen.

The one thing I'm not is hungry. The elimination diet does not involve calorie controlled deprivation, although I do note that last time I did count calories as I was still living the calorie-nervous lifestyle. On day two last time I developed a backache that was pretty extreme and only scrawled a few words in my diary ('ugh, backache, kidney pain, hip pain... ugh'). None of that this time, in fact I really haven't suffered backache this year, possibly due to the cleaner diet, or the MSM or maybe even because I'm training with less intensity.

I'm not taking my usual supplements for the six days of the elimination, but will get right back onto those next Tuesday. Some people think that the elimination diet is about identifying food sensitivities, and it does help with that, but the main point of it is to provide a healing experience for the digestive system, which can take a pounding under the insults of daily life. The basic idea is that if the gut is damaged and not fulfilling it's role as regulator of what enters the bloodstream, then naturally occurring substances, such as certain food lectins, are more prone to 'get through' and cause havoc by, for example, binding to glycoproteins in the joints. This is the 'dummies' version of how the gut-joints connection works. There is also some research suggesting that lectins may hinder the leptin receptors (similar name, but different thing), which results in increased appetite. It's all very interesting.

Todays eats on the Elimination Diet

Breakfast: grabbed a pear

Lunch: Baked makerel and kumara

Snacks: Leftover lunch, raw carrots, another couple of pears

Dinner: Lamb chop, baked kumara, parsnip mash, carrot sticks.

I'll probably have another pear before I go to bed. I know.. it's all too exciting.

Day 1 of 6

2010-06-15T23:24:00.001-07:00

My first mission of the day was to get everything I'm going to need over the next 6 days before the caffeine withdrawl kicks in! I got everything except the courgettes from my local organic shop. Courgettes are not in season and I got some Australian ones from the supermarket. Then I headed to the fish market for makerel and Akaroa cod. I also got some swordfish for Friday because I'm supposed to be going out for dinner with my mum. My plan is to have her over here for dinner instead so that I can stay on plan. Then I headed over to the butcher to get organic lamb chops. I also got some fizzy water and some Argentinean Mate tea - er.. I know there is caffeine in that. It's my 'just in case' purchase (just in case I have to be on-the-ball and don't feel up to it).

I grabbed a pear on the way out the door, grilled a fish and baked a kumara for lunch, grilled up a lamb chop mid-afternoon (eaten with some raw carrots) and am doing a mix of veges and makerel (baked) for dinner. I don't imagine there will be a lot of culinary inventiveness over the next week, but it doesn't have to be awful. I'm thinking of making a meaty soup tomorrow. It's winter, the season for soupiness.

I'm feeling fine. Well, a bit more fragile than usual, but it's easy to handle when I know why I feel that way. Today, of all days, the supermarket decided to completely change their layout. Everything is not where I'm used to finding it and I was feeling unreasonably angry about it. Then I reminded myself that I can expect to have a short-fuse for the next few days and got over it. So, why I am I doing this to myself?

The main reason is because last time I did an elimination diet it had a lasting positive effect on both my arthritis (which I actually never notice anymore) and my weight, which continued to drop over the weeks after the diet and settled at about 3kg lighter. Post-diet, I had nil food cravings and since then I have not had the overwhelming urges to eat sugar or binge that I used to have. I've also managed to maintain a far healthier diet, so it's all good. It seems that, for me, doing an elimination diet once or twice a year should be a good health maintenance habit. The fact that my arthritis has improved so noticeably has given me a lot to think about in my Health Scientist brain. I'm veering toward the theory that arthritis (even osteo-arthritis) has a metabolic component and is not just a case of wear and tear.

My brain feels a bit 'foggy' and I intend to take it really easy over the next two days especially, which are supposed to be the hardest. This may involve a large amount of dedicated lazing around. ;))

It's been a while!

2010-06-15T01:57:00.000-07:00

Gosh, I cannot believe that it's been more than 6 months since I updated the lab. That's life, huh? At last weigh in I was 57.9kg and yesterday I was 58.3, a few days before that I was 57.8kg, so I'd call that maintenance.

It hasn't all been easy sailing, but generally I'd say that I've beaten the binges and developed what I'd call a fairly normal, slightly edgy, relationship with food. I'll never be able to just eat whatever, whenever, but I can do what I'm doing. Exercising is a little bit random. A bit of this and that. Over the last three weeks I've been studying for exams and exercise has been very random. One day I did a few yoga stretches, another day I jumped on the bike for 20 minutes, and yet.. I'm not turning to flab. I do still struggle with urge to binge sometimes, but the very strange this is, I usually eat a bit, then stop. It is always after a few wines. Today is Tuesday and Sunday was a near binge. I'd been studying hard all day and about 5pm I decided to have a glass of wine.. on an empty stomach. I knew it was a fatal combination - stress, wine, no food - but I did it anyway and an hour later I raided the cupboard, fully thinking that I was about to binge. I scoffed a few muesli bars, total calorie count about 650. Then I was uncomfortably full. I think the non-bingeing has had a definite effect. I cannot handle that 'too full' feeling anymore and just stop eating. The binge is gone. However...

I now want to lose a little bit of weight, without ressurrecting The Binge. What worked last time was a short elimination diet, followed by six months of regular, but healthy eating. I've been reading http://wholehealthsource.blogspot.com and, although it seems a fringe theory, I think that the six days of elimination I did somehow altered my metabolism or did something to my leptin receptors. Since then I have been pretty consistent with my paleo diet, adding in some dairy and occasional grains and the even more occasional real splurge. I'm consistent without being 'anal'. The difference from times when I dieted down using reduced calories is that I have not had terrible rebound hunger. In fact, at the end of the six days 'dieting' I was less hungry than usual and that has remained. I'm just thinking. I'm not saying one thing or the other, but, as a budding health scientist I am thinking about hormones and lectins. You know... just speculating. And, you'll be hearing more about that. It's not all about hormones though. I'm just eating less than I used to, because I'm less hungry. So, it's calories and content. The content makes the calorie control an automatic thing.

So, I'm intending another elimination diet starting tomorrow and this time you'll get the blow by blow account. The hard part is giving up the coffee and I think it's necessary, as coffee is a bean. So, the next six days is my elimination diet as per diet.net.nz . So, I'll be off to the fish market tomorrow then!

Day.. um...

2009-12-21T16:17:00.000-08:00

Well, I passed my 126 day 'trial' of the BTD/wholefoods/all-that-and-more diet a number of days ago. Maybe weeks. I lost count due to exams and the general end of year madness. Oops.

I think this little experiment, which became even more experimental (with an emphasis on the 'mental' some might say..) in the last month, was a big success in the two main areas:

- Weightloss

- Arthritis

I started the 18 weeks at 61kg and about 30.3% bodyfat. I pretty much maintained that for the first 12 weeks, wavering between 60.3 and 61.8kg. On November the 30th I started a 6 day elimination diet, after doing some reading and wondering if it might be 'leaky gut syndrome' and lectin sensitivity that was contributing to my 'improving but still there' arthritis. I went through some wild symptoms during the detox but my weight dropped to 59.5kg and the arthritis symptoms further improved.

Since finishing the elimination diet I have maintained a more simple nutrition plan and am generally not eating grains or dairy, you might say it's a paleolithic style of eating which I'm finding surpisingly enjoyable. I'm not lo-carbing though. I'm eating quite a bit of kumara (sweet potato) and fruit along with fish, some meat, olive oil and a few odd foods like wakame (sea vegetables). Oh, and some chocolate. And a little coffee. I'm supplementing with:

N-acetyl D Glucosamine

MSM

Ascorbic Acid

Omega 3 Fish Oil

Glutamine

Pro-D gel (a trial I am on for a friends company - top secret formulation)

All but the last of these are designed to control inflammation and heal any problems in my digestive system - hopefully making me less sensitive to food lectins.

Although I'm not counting calories, my weight has continued to drop and this morning I am at 57.8kg (~127 kg) 28% bf. This is great, but the big, really exciting thing is that my osteo-arthritis has improved out of sight. One thing I missed greatly was the ability to sit cross-legged. Not with crossed legs like a lady, but cross-legged on the floor or the couch like a four year old. It was just too painful, I couldn't even get my right leg anywhere close to rotated. Now I can sit that way again, without any pain. I would say that my arthritis is about 90% healed, which is apparently a medical impossibility (puh). It has not been a quick fix. I've been on a nightshade-free diet for seven months without deviation, but I don't even know if that was the main thing. I've also made a real effort to ditch stress, cut way back on caffeine, reduced and then eliminated grain and legume products (including any grain fed meats and any grain or bean oils), gave up dairy, reduced egg consumption and learned to really adore veges. Since the elimination diet I've also developed what seems to be a really serious reaction to red wine. I've drank it twice and had two migraines, one of which had me wondering if I had a brain tumour! I think I need to either ease back into that one, or just accept that my indulgence is chocolate.

The funny thing is that it sounds like such an extreme regime, but it doesn't feel like it. I felt more restricted when I was counting every calorie and stressing over my aching joints. Also, if I keep myself in line most of the time, meals out don't seem to cause any drama. I'm pretty sure that a healthy body can handle a bit of crap now and then.

Exercise has been and still is, quite random, but I'm doing it. I'm in the habit of doing a few sets of resistance training every half hour or so when I'm working at my PC. Cardio has consisted of speed shopping (woohooo).

Speaking of which:

*************************************************************************************

I'd like to wish all readers of Life in the Lab a FANTABULOUS xmas, full of great chocolate, awesome gifts and, most importantly, crazy times with family.

It is a little known fact that excellent christmas cake made by your Grandma has ABSOLUTELY NO CALORIES. I know, it's AMAZING, yet TRUE!

*************************************************************************************

118/119?

2009-12-05T03:07:00.000-08:00

I'm not near my journal right now and can't remember what day I'm on, but it's very close to the end of my first 18 weeks.

I've posted a very abbreviated version of my detox diary over at Sanaworld. Check it out. I survived!

Weight this morning was 58.5kg (129 lbs). That's over 5 lbs lost in the lab so far. I've still got a way to go, but at least still heading in the right direction. ;)

109/126

2009-11-27T00:54:00.001-08:00

This morning I got on the scales and discovered that my weight has come down a little bit more to 59.7kg (131 lb). Weight is not my main focus, but the fact that I'm getting leaner is an indication that I'm on the right track. As my trainer used to say 'the scale doesn't show everything but it does show something'. In my case it shows that, if I'm not overeating, I will probably naturally weigh less (oh, the pure logic of it..).

I've been focusing quite hard on 'other' aspects of my life. Getting my house in order, quite literally. I've been living here for about 6 years and it still looks like I just moved in! My things are stacked in boxes and I've given less than my share in terms of keeping the place clean and neat, just because it's taken me this long to feel like it's really mine. As part of claiming my life, I'm claiming my house, my fridge, my cupboard, my bathroom and it's all getting a neatness overhall. The other thing I'm working on is owning my time, rather than just reacting to whatever comes along. It feels unfamiliar to set my day and act like my decisions are just as important as whatever else people may need me to do for them, but I'm sure I'll get used to it.

I've been making time for research and while reading some papers on Arthritis, stumbled into a very interesting area. I always thought that the sudden appearance of my symptoms, coinciding so neatly with a severe bout of Mononucleosis (Epstein Barr Virus) was not due to mere bad luck. Now I am convinced of it. I've been reading a lot about what a viral infection can do to a persons ability to absorb nutrients, or more correctly, to avoid absorbing substances that can create havoc when they go where they are not supposed to. I've been reading about certain unhelpful food lectins and have been familiarising myself with which foods contain the most troublesome ones. The idea seems to be to avoid as many of them as possible for a healing period of about a week then test them, in groups, to observe any reaction. The main groups of lectins seem to be - grains/pulses/beans, dairy, nuts/seeds, nightshade veges and eggs. It would be unlikely (and unfortunate) to react to all of them. I'm going to start a seven day elimination tomorrow and I'm prepared for it to be a bit inconvenient. Tonight I went to my sisters for dinner and saw her sprinkling garlic salt on my kumara. On checking the ingredients I saw 'canola oil', which has grain lectins in it. Those little buggers are truly ubiquitous. Between canola oil and soybean oil there is hardly a processed food that is without grain lectins. The other part of healing a virally clobbered system is glyconutrients and I've been deep in research about things like N-Acetyl-D-Glucosamine and D-Mannose, nutrients I have worked with before but had not fully understood them. These nutrients bind to certain lectins, but I'm not sure yet exactly which ones or how I should use the glyconutrients.

Actually, I've become quite obsessed about lectins. I've already bored my friends and family to death about them, so it's probably time to reach out to the world at large. ;)

104/126

2009-11-21T20:59:00.000-08:00

This is Friday nights dinner (pic below). Last nights dinner was great too but I didn't have my camera handy and was probably too full of vino to operate it properly anyway. You know.. Saturday night.. For the record, it was eggs benedict for everyone else and smoked salmon salad with poached eggs for me. It's not hard to work it out when you have to.

Friday, I made a pumpkin and blue cheese salad with some organic grilled beef.

Apart from that, my eating has been quite standard and I've not been inspired to whip out the camera/phone.

Today we went to see New Moon at the movies. As I later tweeted.. I'm in team 'get a real boyfriend, Bella!'. Who needs the issues? ;) Obviously the row of tweenagers in front of us disagreed though, judging by the loud sighing, groaning and near-weeping that was going on every time Edward or Jake did something truly interesting, like remove their shirt (an event which seemed to happen quite frequently).

But, this is a health blog. Specifically, what do I eat at the movies?? I packed a snack bag which consisted of cacao beans, half a lara bar, some almonds and 85% chocolate. I packed one for the Programmer too. His had jelly snakes and no cacao beans - I need to work him up to them.

Mid-afternoon I indulged in a nuked banana with melted chocolate, cacao beans, nut butter and cherry jam. I would truthfully rather eat this than anything else in the world. I should do an analysis and see if it could be complete food! I suspect not..

Now I have a plan to make a silverbeet quiche. The Programmer's mum (umm.. inappropriate apostrophe use? I must revise that..) keeps giving me enormous bags of beet leaves from her garden and I'm having trouble getting through them all. Usually I try to avoid any food that requires meticulous washing of leaves because it takes forever, but in this case it's very fresh, organic and came from the Programmer's mum. I'd better use or I might be in trouble.... ;)

102/126

2009-11-19T21:53:00.000-08:00

Foodcam over at Sanaworld. Short update, all going well but far too busy to blog every day at the mo. Check out the banana/choc/nut butter thing. I shall call it cacaobanuttychoc. You must all try... ;)

95/126

2009-11-12T23:39:00.000-08:00

The thought of what the scales might tell me this morning very nearly caused complete scale-avoidance. However, I know from experience that 'head in the sand' behaviour isn't truly helpful. Ignorance may be bliss, but there comes a day when the jeans don't fit and you have to face the truth. Better to do it earlier. After three days of mild but consistent overeating and more than a little over-tippling of the good red stuff, I'm up 600g (1.3 lb). This is really not so bad, considering that last night after a few vino's it seemed a great idea to start munching my way through a box of muesli bars. Upon reflection, this was not such a brilliant plan..

So, today I was up, on the scales to assess the damage and straight into an upper body+yoga workout. I wasn't hungry for breakfast, and had a smallish lunch consisting of apple, nut butter, cacao beans and my brain-feeding, joint-soothing Omega 3's.

Then I headed off to see '2012' which was predictable, but full of spectacular destruction. At exactly 4pm I pulled out a Lara bar to snack on. I find it's best when getting over a bad few days to stick to the schedule and not overthink it, just do the plan. Early evening I headed over to my Grandmothers to decorate a birthday cake, which I will have a slice of tomorrow at my mums party. While I was there I discovered a glass of wine in front of me (it's a family habit to pour a glass for a visitor) but after imbibing quarter of the glass I could feel the beginnings of an urge to become four years old and lick the icing bowl clean. So I stopped that and got out of the kitchen.

Dinner was fish, veges and a little brown rice. I made a supersalad with some sheepsmilk feta, apple and walnuts.

I figured out why my food pics always look a certain way. It's because I pile stuff on the plate and usually use a bowl because it prevents vege escapees. Apparently I need to get a little bit French and spread my food out, leaving space around it if I want my blog to look like a cuisine magazine. I shall try, dear readers, I shall try...

91/126

2009-11-09T23:16:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days when I just really couldn't seem to get myself into a great mental space. I'm not really sure why. Maybe the wine last night? I just felt like I couldn't handle anything, and even though I got quite a bit done, all I could obsess over was all the things that still needed doing and that I probably wouldn't get around to... I was negativising, which usually leads to overeating, and it did.

But first, the day started well. I got up late, due to a headache so breakfast was a) late and b) smaller than usual. That's cacao beans, activated almonds and a banana.

Mid afternoon I had a Lara bar, pepitas and a linseed cracker with nut butter. Still hanging in there in spite of being, by this stage, in a very moody mood.

I started to cook dinner and decided to pour myself a wine, which was a bad move. All my self control went out the window and I ate three cups of cereal, then I had a wheat bun with my quiche. It was a slip, but I can fit it into my plan because I'm allowed two 500 calorie splurges each month and it all more or less works out, with eating less earlier in the day.\

So, tonight I'm just having a think about it all. I think what I actually should have done is taken a break from trying to push through the mental fuzz and done some exercise. At least I could recognise that something was 'off' in my brain. The mistake was having some alcohol when I was already feeling weak.

Ok, weight. Good news, my weight is slowly coming down. I've got a sort of routine going where I'm doing one diet day every three days and weighing in every three days also. The other days are just normal eating. Tomorrow is a diet day, so we will see how todays splurge affects Friday mornings weight. I may have to kick myself twice, but gently.. ;)

Over the past few weeks it's gone like this:

15 Oct 61.8kg (136 lb)

21 Oct 61.1kg 32.8% (134.5 lb)

1 Nov 61kg 31.9% (134 lb)

4 Nov 61kg (134 lb)

7 Nov 60.3kg 30.7% (132.5 lb)

10 Nov (today) 60.1kg 30.2% (132.2 lb)

Still got a long way to go and it's slow, but at least I'm not going backward like I was, or even backward, forward, backward, forward. It's all backward, or is that forward?

90/126

2009-11-09T00:36:00.000-08:00

I'm heading into the last month of my 18 week challenge and finally, finally I feel like I'm getting it together. My clothes are feeling a bit looser too, so maybe tomorrow is the morning for a scale hop. I think the main thing is that I've been strict on myself about one thing.. no more 'day 1'. Therefore, no more 'pre day 1' binges. I'm doing what I'm doing, muddling along, aiming for a really healthy lifestyle and whether I do it well, or just averagely, it's what I'm doing. That's life. No 'off days' and 'on days', it's all just 'me and the way I live'.

Today I was up early and after a few hours of getting orders away, it was time for brekky. I remembered to add my Maca powder.

Lunch was a combination thing made with leftovers from last night with some shrimps and a linseed (flax) cracker with walnut butter. My fridge was looking very depleted indeed (no salad!), so when my business partner was late for our meeting I rushed out to the organic shop.

Surprisingly, I managed to get through the shopping without having to treat myself immediately. Therefore, the 4pm snack was a fruity and nutty concoction with 20g raw chocolate. Then I moistened it with almond milk and it was better than ecstasy, or so I believe.. (ahem).

About 5pm I was feeling self congratulatory and had to sample the organic Malbec. I don't really know what a Malbec is, but it was fine and tasty.

Then, feeling loosened up, I did a workout and some yoga.

* Bodyweight squats

* Bridge with band around knees

* Romanian deadlift - no weight

* Side planks

* Yoga - 'chair'

- Sun Salute (my hamstrings needed THAT after the RDL's)

Dinner!

Lamb salad. Being in NZ, I always get to eat NZ lamb. It was NZ lamb. The BEST. Lots of veges. Er.. another wine. Oops.

Halfway through dinner I had to assist The Programmer to conduct emergency surgery on the neighbours 6 month old kitten that had decided to steal a bone from the bench and got it wedged in her top of her mouth! This particular kitten already has three kittens of her own and is a starvin' marvin' ALL - THE - TIME. She will beg, borrow and steal any food she can find, and it's not as though her owner is underfeeding her. Anyway, 10 minutes after nearly choking to death she was back on the bench stealing my leftover broccoli. I even put out some catfood for her, but she prefers to steal. Thrill issues...

89/126

2009-11-07T20:42:00.000-08:00

Yay, exams are over and blogging can resume. This will be a catch up blog with foody pics and minimal waffling.

I'm really pleased with the way my eating is going. I have a long history of letting little deviations throw me off-track, but lately this is not so much of a problem. Sometimes the plan has to bend a little in order to fit my life. Today, for instance, I was in the hardware store (er.. that's another story) at around 2.30pm, 1.5 hours after lunch. I was with The Programmer, my sister, Miss J and mum. Everyone else was dying for a snack and I weighed up my options. Eat (off plan), or not eat - but wish I was (and risk triggering a deprivation splurge later). I was feeling quite peckish because lunch had been small. I could feel a little argument starting in my head and, instead of forcing myself to sit resentfully while everyone else ate, I had a small egg sandwhich and half a banana. Then I just cut back my afternoon snack a bit and only had minimal mental fuss over the whole situation. This is quite good progress, even if the sandwhich was on white bread - believe me, it was the only option that even resembled real food. Cafes are never great. That having been said, let's move right on to the foodcam.

As I forgot how much of a pain it is to re-order photos in blogger, I'll just present my little gallery in 'no particular order'. These are random pics from the last four days.

A stuffed chicken breast. Inside ingredients - a little sheepsmilk feta, onion and mushrooms. Waldorf salad, linseed crackers.

A lamb and feta salad, broccoli.
Foldover omelet. The photo makes it look burned, but it was ok. Salad with pepitas and a little mayo, linseed crackers.

Todays workout. I bought myself a new phone, which should speed up the photo loading process. The nikon requires file conversion and, besides which, sometimes it's just not convenient to heft out a largish camera. First pic from the phone. Not bad. Good enough for blogging.

Cacao smoothie and Omega 3 capsule. My standard morning crank-up.
Grilled fish and scallops with veges and salad.
A fruity, nutty combo with hemp milk.
Todays aforementioned lunch. This is another pic from my phone.

Now it's dinner time and I'll be having a couple of organic chicken drumsticks with heaps of veg. The Programmer will be having pizza, because he went on an 8 hour bike ride yesterday and is craving something carby and calorie dense, although I'm sure he just thinks of it as 'I want PIZZA and BEER'. He takes a remarkably non-analytic approach to eating and has mad enthusiasm for exercise. I shall watch and learn, but without the pizza (nightshades).

82/126 - scale hopping

2009-11-01T01:35:00.000-07:00

I scale hopped this morning and was pleased to say that my weight is holding steady at 61kg (last week it was 61.1kg so technically, that's a 100g scale loss). I'm going to start moderating my calorie intake, perhaps on one day out of three, just to get some fatloss happening. As I'm maintaining, I don't think I'll need to cut back a lot to get things going in the right direction.

I started today rather late with a zippy cacao smoothie. It was a bit smaller than usual because I left the egg out. I think that egg must cause a fluffing up effect because, apart from that, it was the same recipe as usual.. and it normally fills the glass!

Lunch was ... er.. I didn't really have lunch. I was rushing around, just had time to make a hemp milk latte. Then, at 4pm I had a fish and vege plate.

I was going out to dinner - belated Halloween party. Miss J insisted on having one, AND insisted that I needed to come dressed as a PUMPKIN (clearly, she watches too much TV). To my amazement, I looked in the cupboard and found a sleeping back liner which was in a bright shade of orange. I stuffed it with pillows and tied it around myself. I am pumpkin.

Before dinner I was feeling super hungry, so had an apple and munched a couple of cacao beans, which apparently have an appetite suppressing effect. It seemed to work. Dinner was roast chicken, salad, kumara and some rice and mince invention with raisins that my grandma made. I had a glass of heavily watered wine and two chocolates from the overstuffed Halloween basket, then stopped eating (what a concept!). A successful evening.

No exercise today but I will try and fit some in tomorrow. I've got two exams this week, neither of which I feel overly prepared for, but I need to get some movement in me or my brain my implode under the impetus of too much mental activity unbalanced by some of that other sort of activity.. the one that involves actually moving ones butt off the chair.

81/126

2009-10-31T01:02:00.001-07:00

I went to bed last night thinking that I'd be waking up with Saturday morning regret due to the amount of wine that was consumed last night (I'd say three glasses all up but I tend to have half glasses and may have lost count). I know that early in the evening I sensibly delegated driving duties to The Programmer, which naturally gave me license to have another half glass or three. I have to give myself some gold stars though because, yet again, I was feeling very much in the mood to murder a deep fried mars bar, but didn't.

To my great surprise, this morning my head was fine. Organic wine doesn't seem to kick so hard the next day, but that's no excuse to become (even more of) a lush. I'm intending to have a vino-free week and keep it to two glasses on a Friday from this point on.

I got a load of cacao beans for Sana Direct and of course, had to give them a taste test in my morning smoothie. They are exactly as expected, tasty and full of marvellous theobromine. The smoothie also contained hemp milk, banana, agave syrup and a raw egg. I can't even tell you how delicious it was. It should be a sin, a delicious sin.

Lunch was fish and veges baked in the oven. The veges are fava beans (beneficial for type O's) and mushrooms with some oil. I'm kind of conflicted about fish and shellfish. I want to eat more fish and less red meat, but I'm hyperaware of the risk of contamination. It's not just mercury that concerns me (although it certainly does) but also arsenic, cadmium, other heavy metals and PCB residues - all of the things I get the Omega 3 capsules tested for. I've had reassurances from Sealord that their frozen, bagged fish is low in mercury (less than 2 ppm) but I'm not sure what the regulation is. Do they have to test every batch? I can sense a future mission coming my way.. investigate mercury levels in supermarket fish and shellfish. With lunch I had my Omega 3's and Glucosamine.

My mid afternoon snack was rather hefty, about 400 calories of Lara Bar. That's 200 calories before my bike ride (I rode to my sisters to get my car) and 200 calories when I got back home and was feeling ravenous.

Dinner was a reheated beef braise that I've been hoarding in the freezer for a few weeks. My idea with meat is to just eat less of it, relative to the veges. I think the whole plate comes to about 550 calories, with 50 of those coming from the pepitas in my salad (calorific little pieces of crunchiness). I made some baked kumara slices in oil, there's salad and baked veges. With this in me, I can even resist the lure of the halloween candies.

Tomorrow, the Wednesday weigh in. Yes, it's Sunday. It's been that sort of week.

78/126

2009-10-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

I know, it's been days! Not to worry, all is almost well. I've had another techno glitch, where I went to download my carefully arranged eats and the card tells me 'naaaah'. It says 'the card cannot be accessed'. Great.

Now, let's see. The last few days have been kind of crazy because I had an exam and now I'm preparing for the last two. I did get in a yoga/weights fusion workout yesterday and have managed to navigate the stress without any stress eating, although last night was a very close call. I was at my sisters for dinner and had consumed an amount of wine somewhat in excess of my one glass 'keeping it together' limit. Dinner was fine - grilled fish with baked kumara and salad. Perfectly light and delicious, then, for who knows what reason, about half an hour after dinner I found myself looking in the freezer and saying 'does anyone want an ice cream? I'm having an ice cream, anyone else interested?' in a kind of inclusive, if everyones doing it then it's ok, manner.

Luckily the ice creams were single serve, portion controlled parcels, probably less than 250 cals each, but immediately after that little lapse my head started churning over the many possible ways I could get my mouth around something much more damaging. I imagined making some excuse ('you need more milk for coffee.. oh, whoops, I thought you were out!') to go out and fulfill my urge to binge - after all, I'd sat an arduous exam that day, didn't I deserve to party really hard??. But I didn't do it. I shut myself in the bathroom and practiced some self talk. I reminded myself how far I'd come and that bingeing now would just put me back at that perpetual 'day one' - the most frustrating day in existence. I reminded myself of all the reasons why I want to live a healthy life and lose weight - to improve my arthritis, to live longer, to have more fun, to set a good example for Miss J, to free my mind from the mental exhaustion of the lose-gain-lose-gain-gain rollercoaster. It took quite a few minutes - I'm sure my family were thinking I was having a nasty toilet experience (!) - but I managed to put my mind back in the necessary place and get right back on track.

Victory.

75/126

2009-10-25T02:08:00.000-07:00

'Scuse the couple of days absence! I have uni exams coming up. One next week and two the week after, also there has been a lot of thinking going on in my little head. I've been feeling a bit 'blah' for a while and over the last few days have really started to nail down what it's all about. I don't want this to be a whiney kind of blog, so I'll just summarise by saying that in the 'last few years' (say four or five!) I've had a series of things (and people) happen that have really clobbered my self-esteem and self-belief. It's time to get on top of things again and, finally, I feel like I can manage it. I've always believed in the fact that you pull toward yourself what you focus on, but somehow I forgot to put it into practice, slipping instead into the coma of thinking that my life was just about struggle and I'd might as well put up with it! So wrong.

Health and fitness-wise, I've had a rocky few days but not awful. Yesterday and today were *five star*. Yesterday I got myself to Zumba class which set me up for a great day. It's amazing what exercise, especially to Latin rhythms, can do for the mental outlook. Then I spent a brain-resting afternoon at a wildlife park, pulling out my lara bar when 4pm snack time came around and later had family around for dinner. I made a seafood/rice thing in the oven.

Todays eating was pretty much the expected routine. Smoothie for breakfast (with some Zilch low-carb ice cream in it - not my usual thing, but I'd forgotten to freeze my bananas and wanted something to frost it up a bit), seafood salad and linseed crackers for lunch, Lara bar and apple for afternoon tea. Dinner was half a glass of wine and the wondiferous creation pictured below:

It's a lamb salad with:

*pumpkin

*fava beans

*mushrooms

*onion

(the above all cooked in the oven with a little olive oil)

*broccoli

*mixed lettuce

*Arame (sea-vegetable)

*about 100g roast lamb

*pepitas (about 10g or half an espresso cup full)

*parmesan and olive oil dressing
It's pretty, and was very tasty, but it's not a lightweight. It's got about the same calories as a Big Mac, (just under 500 cals) but it was very filling and packed with nutrients.

Now I am heading to bed with books in hand. I like to study in bed and it doesn't seem to affect my sleep habits, which could hardly be held up as a model of consistency anyway. Perhaps I'll try the 'sleeping on it' approach and stash the papers under my pillow. Don't know 'till you try.

71/126

2009-10-21T01:11:00.001-07:00

Today was fabulous. Under the influence of real caffeine (Espresso Wednesday!) I powered through my last uni assignment and feel moderately pleased with the result. It's a pass.

The weigh in was no surprise (uh-uh). I'm at 61.2kg, which is exactly where I started at day 1. I'm not exactly back at square one though because I'm feeling more settled into the new eating habits and less inclined to have mad breakout choc and wine sessions. Now I'm going to focus on one thing a week as I head toward a lifestyle that will see me in a less fat body. My scales tell me I'm 32.8% bodyfat, but they really can't be trusted. The bodyfat reading swings wildly depending on all sorts of things - time of day, hydration. If I'm wet, they tell me I'm 15% bodyfat...

My 'thing' this week is exercise, because it's been a challenge to fit it in and get it done. My goal is to get in at least four exercise 'sessions' this week and to just get more active. You know, take my niece to the park instead of watching brainwashing DVD's like 'Barbie - The Princess and the Pauper'. Just general, everyday movement. Eating can stay as it is this week.

Breakfast was my usual zippy smoothie with cacao beans, banana, etc.. I'm sure you've got the recipe memorised by now!

Lunch was leftovers from last night, plus an apple and a raw flax cracker. I find it quite easy to eat too many of those delicious, crunchy flax crackers made with love by the sari-wearing Lotus Heart girls. I'm rationing myself to two a day. Flax seeds are super healthy but they are definitely energy-dense little beasties.

Mid afternoon I was in the mood for a 'purple people eater' smoothie. It's packed with cacao beans, berries, frozen hemp milk cubes, frozen banana and a couple of scoops WPC. I found that the straws my niece gets from McDonalds for her orange juice are much wider than the usual breed of straw. This makes the smoothie consumption ritual a lot less frustrating. There are far fewer repetitions of the 'blowing out the chunks' procedure.

Dinner was grilled fish with garlic, salad, a flax cracker, and broccoli with a basil and parmesan dressing that I picked up today at Traiteur. There are pepitas on the salad too. Again, pepitas (pumpkin kernels) add crunch and flavour to a salad but, like all seeds, they are a calorie dense power pack of energy and should carry a *do not eat the whole packet or you will be a fatty popo* warning.

I just finished another cup of broccoli and carrot while blogging. My appetite seems to be back to it's normal, robust self, although today is not the day to judge that seeing as there were numerous espressos going down, down, down. No wine though. I considered it, but really, every day is too much, even if it's only a glass, even if it's organic. The more I read about alcohol the more I think that it's just not that good for us, no matter what attractive story the media spits out based on one sentence of a 15 page study. Still.. I like wine and it IS a living food. I don't think I'll be signing up for complete vino abstinence any time soon. It's that moderation thing, isn't it?

70/126

2009-10-20T01:50:00.001-07:00

Today I was in the 'study bubble' pretty much from the moment I woke up, although I did venture out into the wide world to pick up some more dandelion coffee. To my horror there was none of the usual stuff (unbranded) so I spent a small fortune on some of this:

It does not work so well in the coffee machine. I think it's not 'roasted' enough, no crema, probably works better through a filter drip. Seeing as it was a non-espresso day, I reverted to copious amounts of mate tea to get a small buzz once the usual, cacao enhanced, morning smoothie wore off and I started to wilt.

The hungries were slightly less today (thank god!), however my appetite was still more ragin' than usual. For lunch I cooked up a big fish fillet, fava beans and vege thing. It wasn't very photogenic but it was high protein, which as we all know, is THE thing for controlling an 'overenthusiastic' appetite.

About 4pm I made the supersmoothiemonstermix pictured below. It contains: Hemp milk (a new discovery!), frozen spinach, banana, cacao beans, agave, almond butter and two tsps of unflavoured WPC powder. It might have been horribly calorific, but I was feeling hungry and didn't care. That attitude may come to bite me on the arse at tomorrow mornings weigh in, but for now I'm all 'la la la la la' and everything's fine in my happy world of eccentric green drinks.

While prepping a meatloaf for dinner I had some wine and a rawfood bickie thingo that I made. It's got a mixture of sprouted rye, dried fruit, nuts..er... and a few other things in it that aren't coming to mind right now. What makes it good is the big splat of walnut butter on the top.

Then, while dinner was cooking, I did a workout consisting of:

*Tricep dips

*Curl and press with db's (hits biceps and delts)

*Floor bridge with band around knees (hits the glutes good)

*Ball crunch with resistance

It took about 25 minutes.

Then dinner was good to go. It was a meatloaf with added veges - carrot, artichoke and parsnip all grated. Adding veges to a meatloaf makes it more juicy and stops it from being too dry, as can happen with lean meat. I added lots of asparagus (the season is here!!), pumpkin, salad, a raw flax cracker and some pepitas. NB: I kept the meat portion smaller than usual. More veges, more veges!

Then I had an apple and a disappointing dandelion/burdock espresso. I'm overexcited about it being espresso Wednesday tomorrow. I expect a productive day and caffeine perked intensity. Yayyyy!

69/126

2009-10-19T01:18:00.000-07:00

Short update today, I just got back from a going away party for my stepfather (he's off to do good in East Timor) and my bedtime is looming. Geeee-awd, another starvin' marvin' day! I didn't take any pics, although the kumara pancake was really quite photo worthy. I was at the time also running around after my four year old niece and it was more important to simultaneously cook and watch her than to whip out the Nikon.

I started the day with my habitual cacao bean smoothie, then nibbled on essene bread with nut butter and some pineapple when the hungries hit about an hour later :( Lunch was some of last nights shank and mashed kumara, then I rushed off to a meeting. By the time I got home, niece in hand I was seriously hungry again and made a kumara pancake, topped with agave syrup and 25g chocolate. By 5pm I was needing a bit more essene bread.

Dinner was a roast at my grandmas place, with a few wines and broccoli. There was a huge selection of things I don't eat and I wasn't tempted. I really hope that tomorrow my hunger levels begin to level off because this is crazy! I've got a few ideas about what's causing it, but the main plan of attack is just keep eating healthy and keep moving! Easy. :)

68/126

2009-10-18T00:37:00.000-07:00

In the last 68 days, as you know, I've had my ups and downs with the eating and exercise, and now I'm definitely on the 'up' side of things and planning to keep myself there! One thing I've noted before, and it's worth noting again (so that my stupid brain may eventually 'get it') is how much more alive and awake I feel when I get some exercise and eat good food, particularly living food. I'm making an effort to add more raw stuff into my day, but only to an extent that I'm still having fun with the idea.

Believe me, I'm not about to become a raw-foodist, or a vegan, or especially a vegan raw-foodist (wonderful as they may be). I had a bad trip in my teenage years with believing that veganism, then raw-foodism, then fruitarianism was the best and only path to a long and disease-free life. Unfortunately, the result was that the restriction of it drove me directly into binge eating disorder for many, many years. I no longer believe that idealism is a workable approach to food. A way of eating is not a religion, you don't go to hell if you break the rules.

Today, being Sunday, I slept in then got myself to the gym for a combat-style class. Although I always feel like the most un-co person in the room, it was super fun. Breakfast was my usual cacao beans, banana, almond milk, agave and maca combo, to which I am fiercely devoted, and my Omega 3's. I did not photograph it because.. how many brownish smoothies does the world really need to see? I may change my mind about this tomorrow ;)

Today I had the same extreme hunger problem as yesterday. I'm wondering if it's part of caffeine withdrawal? I seem to remember in the past getting the hungries for about a week when I've gone cold turkey off the espresso. I wouldn't say I'm undereating or overexercising, so it's probably something like that. Early afternoon I had a cup of pineapple, 2 squares of raw chocolate, a tsp of nut butter and a dandelion espresso. That shut my growling stomach up for about half an hour ;-/

Mid afternoon I had half a lara bar and a tsp of nut butter. Then I brewed up a horsetail tea, which is very high in Silica. My naturopath friend David reminded me that silica is the very thing for tissue calcification, which I have in the right rectus femoris tendon. I'm sure that it's related to the arthritis too.

My rye berries had sprouted enthusiastically and I couldn't put off the essene bread making messiness. I also experimented with a few different mixes involving dried fruit, spices and cacao beans. I'll let you know how those work out. There was quite a bit of sampling going on. It's important to sample. At Sana Direct we sample a lot. Of course, that's for the lab tests, not my tastebuds, but QA is QA.Dinner was lots of salad, my favourite mashed kumara and some lamb shank. Of course, that was about an hour ago and, yet again, I'm hungry. This is outrageous! I want to complain to the management. I'd like to exchange my appetite for a less annoying one, thanks, that would be great.

67/126

2009-10-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

Today was awesomely busy, but in a good way. Unfortunately, I did sleep in and missed my Zumba class, oops... However, I've had an industrious few days with a bike ride and a yoga class and am feeling great. Actually, I'm feeling quite sore in my lats and obliques from the yoga, which didn't really feel that tough at the time! I had an exercise revelation on Friday. I had scheduled a boxing class, but was dragging my feet getting ready. I was feeling like I'd rather just eat a Kit Kat. I was feeling like boxing class wouldn't really be all that fun, and that's when it hit me. I'm over boxing class. I don't want to do it, I don't like the pairing up thing. It's too much like school, when you are afraid that nobody wants to play with you. So, I rescheduled. I arranged a bike ride with The Programmer, knowing that he'd make me ride up a hill. He did. It was a small hill (he says, not even really a hill, more like a 'rise'). I think I'm improving.

After dragging my lazy butt out of bed this morning I remembered that I had to get an assignment at least half drafted today (now done) and fired up my brain with a super smoothie. It's got cacao beans, small banana, raw agave syrup, maca (a product which I have sourced now for Sana, yay!), an egg and soymilk. I discovered that freezing the soy or almond milk in an ice tray is a great way to add that nice iciness to the smoothie, and it keeps longer than the fresh version.

My photocropping went a bit crazy, but you see the cacao bits? You see the deliciousness?

I also had a fake coffee day. I've allocated myself two espresso's (or one double) on Wednesdays. All other days are fake coffee days. I'll just have to live with it for the sake of my insomnia and my creaky joints.
Today contained a raw chocolate ration. Gogi and camu camu. Too good. You almost can't look at it, it's so beautiful.

I made kale chips.

and had some with my lunch, which was a meaty stirfry, carrot sticks and my last slice of essene bread with a smidge of nut butter on it.
For some reason, I was really hungry all day. An hour after lunch I made a mega green smoothie, then before dinner I had an apple.

Dinner was Chicken with basmati rice, veges and a glass and a half of wine (it was supposed to be an alcohol-free day, but I slipped and splatted myself under the influence of my mum and her bottles of red). I let myself have a bit more rice than usual just to try and stop my stomach pestering me! I feel fine now, I guess it was just a hungry day!

65/126 - Just when you're feeling cocky...

2009-10-14T16:43:00.000-07:00

Firstly, a few foodie pics from the last few days:

1. Minty smoothie. This worked quite well. I added a drop of peppermint oil to my spinach smoothie and it fooled my mind that it was mint. I'd definitely recommend it.

2. Yesterdays lunch. Grilled liver (um, I do quite like it and it's full of stuff I need like B12 and iron), salad with activated almonds.
3. A chicken meatball soup. It was made of chicken stock, veges and then I cooked some chicken meatballs (made from lean chicken mince) in there and it met with everyones approval. The Programmers one also had glass noodles in it. Since we went to a Malaysian restaurant, he's been requesting more asian inspired, soupy things.
Banana icecream. AWESOME. Using a handheld whisk, I blended some bananas, agave syrup, an egg and eggwhites until they were fluffy. Par-froze, blended again, repeat until it works. Excellente in smoothies.
So.. that's the good. Now for the bad. I've had a shocking 4 days with food and today I am a puffy, sad mess. It's been a long, long time since I had such a bad run. Today is Thursday. Monday night I overate by quite a lot, including some cereal. Tuesday morning I decided to get on the scales, because, naturally, I'm a sadist. Unimpressed by the 2kg weightgain, I proceeded to eat my way through Tuesday with that dangerous 'I'll make a fresh start tomorrow' mentality. Yesterday I pretty much did ok, I even got to the gym for some cardio, but then I went to a party and was weak in the presence of lots of little deepfried samosa/spring roll/ indian things that (I figured out later) probably had potatoes in them (a nightshade.. v. bad for my arthritis). Today I am struggling. I just had a meat pie for lunch, which is full of stuff I don't want to be eating, I feel really super tired and it's very noticeable after feeling so good on my usual fare and, of course, quite P.O'd at myself and a bit confused. However.. this learning to live healthy was never going to be a linear thing.

The really interesting thing is that I can now see the clear line between eating and disorder. My regular eating has none of the stuff that used to drive me to binge. I'm not feeling deprived, it's interesting, it's yummy, I'm not hungry, it's not too strict. I have a fair idea what is driving this resurgent behaviour but I'm not willing to put it on a public forum (learn from the celebrities, luv). However, if you are dying of curiosity, email me. Basically, my bingeing rears its head when I have been in contact with certain people, or have been talking about certain emotionally charged subjects, or when I'm being forced into the role of 'fixer-upper' of other peoples issues. Although I feel mentally weak right at this moment (and puffy and fat), it's the time to start sorting that stuff out and making a plan of self-empowerment. So, it's 2pm now and I'm intending to put the junkfood aside and get back on my healthy path of empowerment. I'm just over half way in my 18 weeks, still heaps of time to de-bug my system (heh, living with a Programmer just naturally rubs off).

61/126

2009-10-11T01:40:00.000-07:00

Today was dedicated to housework, which for sure is far down the list of my favourite activities. Having had a lot of visitors lately, some of them small children, it had become a necessity to restore some order and this took me honestly, nearly all day (*sob*). However, I funked it up with the 2009 clubbers albumn, threw in a few bodyweight squats and called it exercise.

Pre-grubbing, I fortified myself with an fantastismoothie. It contained almond milk, an egg, agave, frozen banana and cacao beans, which are definitely the new espresso.

Lunch was full of visiting children and their mums and I was in barista mode making cafe lattes. I fluffed up a dandelion soy latte for myself and had a Cherry Lara bar while standing at the machine. An exact copy of yesterdays lunch, and just like yesterday, I was quickly hungry again. About 3pm I had a slice of essene bread with walnut butter and sardines, a raw flax cracker and an unpictured 10g square of 90% lindt chocolate - witness the restraint! LOL.

I was still hungry so reheated some leftover minty roasties from last night.

I'd been slow cooking a spring chicken in the crockpot all day and it was perfectly ready for dinner. I denuded it and made a mega warm salad. It contains, pumpkin, chicken, pepitas, steamed mixed veges, arame sea veges and a little sheeps milk feta. Then I had an apple. The programmers version is on the left. To satisfy his high-carb, eats anything, massive activity lifestyle I added fried rice to his and made a minimal quesadilla. It's just two tortillas with cheese in the middle then grilled in the oven.

And, there was a glass of vino... again. Perhaps I should just let it be and stop feeling bad about it. How can something so wonderfully ruby red possibly be anything less than totally good for me?

60/126

2009-10-10T02:34:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! Saturdays are generally a day with little to complain about ;) I hope yours was fabbo too. I welcomed the day with a morning smoothie that was far too delicious and therefore in my tummy before I remembered to photograph it. It contained: soymilk, cacao beans, banana, raw agave syrup (which is very molasses-like) and a raw egg.

I've never tried the raw-egg-for-protein thing before but The Programmer swears that it's the secret to a great smoothie and it turns out he might be onto something. The whole combo was great, salmonella risk notwithstanding. I also had my Omega 3's . I'm making a point to be more dedicated about taking my fish oil. I just got a batch back from the lab and they are contaminant free and worthy of consumption. Pretty too.

After smoothie-time we headed out to buy some RAM for my PC (I need it to be more speedy, dammit) and discovered a French Farmers Market in the city which was quite underpopulated on account of the freezing weather. Feeling like a complete wuss, I ducked into a cafe called Soul Food and had a hot green tea. Bliss. Then, when I got home I had a dandelion soy latte and a Lara bar. Mmmm mmm.

The afternoon was taken up with work and study and the sugar cravings were troubling me, as sometimes happens when I have to apply myself even though I'd rather be surfing Facebook. I sucked a People Pop which got me through to my mid-afternoon snack - an apple, some sardines on essene bread, a few activated almonds and 10g dark (90%) chocolate.

About 6pm I was thinking about making dinner and already feeling hungry. I made a huge pile of carrot sticks to keep me from hitting the chocolate and had two dandelion espresso's. I'm beginning to like them and think they may just keep my coffee habit under control. They are very bitter, but the taste is growing on me and, of course, dandelion is great for your liver.

Dinner was a lamb tangine, which I neglected to photograph.. oops. At the farmers market I had been given a sprig of fresh mint by a near-hypothermic french farmer and I went googling for mint-inspired culinary ideas.

Notes on the background content of this photo: The dodgy looking brown sludge in the glass is prunes soaking for the tangine. You can also see my raybans.

After completing my research, I decided on roasties with mint. I par-boiled some kumara, parsnip and pumpkin and tossed it with a little olive oil, sea salt and chopped up mint leaves. It was very mildly minty, just what I'd been hoping for.

Just as I was about to serve dinner I got a phone call that my mum and her hubby were going to drop around the two couches that we are babysitting while he is in East Timor (whole other story there..). It is very much their style to do things without notice. So, on the spur of the moment I boiled up a pile of rice and made dinner for two into dinner for four. I also had a glass of red wine.. ok, it was two. Two glasses of red wine *sigh*. But.. no coffee! *shines slightly tilted halo*.

59/126

2009-10-09T17:36:00.001-07:00

Another Friday! I started the day with a short upper body workout with weights then grabbed a Lara Bar to eat on the way to see a client. I was feeling a bit flat, probably on account of once again kicking the caffeine. Luckily the cacao beans do give a bit of a kick and I munched a few to wake myself up, it worked. I'm so impressed with raw cacao beans and raw chocolate that I've been making enquiries about selling them through Sana. They are kind of pricey, but I think my customers could enjoy the infusion of happiness compounds.

Lunch was a pumpkin and kidney hotpot with.. lettuce, raw carrot, a flax cracker, activated almonds and pumpkin seeds. That's quite heavy on the nuts and seeds, but I tried to exercise restraint. I know they are good for me, but I'm still slightly nervy of those pesky calories.

Mid afternoon was a fruity and nutty thingo. Banana, apple, figs, almond butter and I sprinkled some WPC on the whole thing to add some protein and mixed it all together. Good stuff. I used to be terrified of eating bananas, but I appear to be over it... ;) Bananas are an essential ingredients of a great day.

Dinner was at my sisters house. I made the mistake of turning up hungry. Luckily I was sent to the supermarket for vino and bought myself a dried fruit bar while I was there. I also had a v.v.small chocolate bar - 15g. Dinner was fabulous. Fish done a'la my sister. I don't want to think about how much olive oil it was cooked in, but it was garlicky and spicy and delicious. I had baked kumara with it, salad and two small glasses of red wine. Of course.

58/126

2009-10-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

This is just a short update to say 1) There will be no update today because I have been too busy and sleep deprived and need to eat dinner then go sleepy and 2) today I found raw flax crackers and activated raw almonds in the wholefood store. Naturally my first thought was .. how can I make these?? If anyone knows, please comment me. xx

57/126

2009-10-07T01:38:00.001-07:00

What a day! I started on a highpoint, having mentally argued with myself for about 2 minutes before getting up and being in my office by 8am, go me! I did a few yoga stretches to loosen up, and that was the extent of structured exercise for the day, although I did a hell of a lot of house cleaning and furniture re-arranging.

The day started with an incredismoothie. It was the usual combination of frozen banana, cacao beans, maca, soymilk, tbsp WPC and pinch of stevia. It's like rocket fuel, seriously.

I started some kale chips early and these came out really well, crunchy and delicious. I'm sure they are super healthy, but the thing is, they get tastier the more oil and salt you use. So, maybe the actual kale has minimal calories and maximum nutrients, but I'm not sure about the other things. I estimate this bowl has about a tbsp of olive oil, about 120 calories. Still, that's a LOT less than potato chips and I enjoy them just as much.

Lunch was an omelette mess and a huge salad. I'm vege-ing up myself at the moment. It really helps with energy levels and to maintain that lovely clear mind that comes with great nutrition.

Mid afternoon I made some kumara 'flats'. It's just mashed kumara (cooked) spread out onto a baking tray and cooked at low heat for a few hours. They come out chewy. Then there was essene bread and nut butter, a raw carrot and 10g chocolate to fuel all that furniture moving.

Dinner was a family affair, and heaps of fun, but a real challenge. Miss J had requested spaghetti and meatballs so we made that, except I just had the meatballs with salad and some essene bread - which my mother referred to as 'dog biscuits'... Tomatoes are a definite no-no for the arthritis so I wasn't really tempted. I did have a glass of wine, but JUST ONE and a tsp of mayo on my salad so as not to feel deprived. Later,when everyone else had chocolate cake with fudge sauce, I had about 25g chocolate and then sucked a couple of 'people pops' which are additive-free lollypops. I was having some difficulty staying out of the fridge (where the chocolate lives) so I'd have to call tonight a success, even though I once again over-chocked.

And now it's.. bed time! I'm like a baby that needs to stick to my schedule at the moment. Waaah.

56/126

2009-10-06T01:10:00.000-07:00

Today I am definitely feeling the difference between eating well and eating without much forethought. Same with life in general. It doesn't take much effort to get up early, focus on my tasks and whip up a super smoothie. Not compared with how terrible I feel when I don't bother. It's been a rough five days or so, but things are back on track and I'm just waiting for the jeans to loosen up a bit!

The day started with a SUPERBUZZY SMOOTHIE full of amazing things. It's got soymilk, a tbsp of WPC, maca, raw honey and cocao beans. This got me very excited about all those usual morning things..
At lunchtime I had my sister and niece visiting. They had pies and chocolate milk. I boiled an egg and had that between two slices of essene bread with nut butter, oh.. and 10g of 90% chocolate. Then I threw yesterdays essene bread back in the dryer to see if I could turn some into crackers.

Mid afternoon I re-heated some leftovers from yesterday, which was kumara mash, broccoli and some leftover shank. It wasn't photogenic.

About 5pm, all stressed out from the key saga, I decided that I needed a chocolate top up, with figs (ooo, yeah). At least I had the presence of mind to weigh it! That brings my chocolate consumption to nearly 50g for the day. That's still less calories than a small chocolate, but more than I need to be incidentally consuming! Therefore, once the keys had been located, I got on the bike and went the long way to the supermarket for salad.
I decided that seeing as I'd had quite a few carbs at 5pm, I'd keep dinner lower carb. I made a fabulous salad. It's got.. mesclun, watercress, lettuce, grated carrot, blanched asparagus, pumpkin seeds and arame sea veges.
I had this with a grilled lamb steak, pumpkin and mushrooms. Then I had a glass of wine. Chianti. Because it was there and it wanted me.
My goal at the moment it to take my melatonin at 10.30pm, then be in my office by 8am. At the moment I'm still finding it a struggle to fall asleep, but the melatonin is helping, as is the exercise. Tomorrow I feel the need for some weights in the upper body and some yoga. Also, I'm committing to 28 days no alcohol or caffeine starting tomorrow. That takes me to day 84 which is easy to remember as it's 12 weeks. I've tried to do this before and usually failed on the first day. I want to know how it feels to really get these things out of my system. Perhaps it will just lead to a nervous breakdown? Let's see.

55/126

2009-10-05T02:10:00.000-07:00

Today was better. I put myself back on the four meals a day routine, just to get some basic structure back into my eating and that helped. Exercise was a no-show. I had planned a bike ride but it rained and then I got busy packing up some Guar Gum - a job which offers peak excitement, oh yes.

Breakfast was a Lara bar, ginger. My favourite. Lunch was a fish and vege thingy just thrown in the oven with abandon. A few hours later I found myself in Coffee Culture with Miss J (my niece) and managed to steer myself away from the cakes and toward a nice, hot green tea.Likewise it took mental effort to avoid the Cupcake Parlour and head for the meat shop to get some free-range lamb shanks. The butcher always gives Miss J a free baby sausage, which made up for the lack of cupcakes in her day. When I got home I put the shanks in the slow cooker with some red wine, olive oil, rosemary and sea salt.

Late afternoon, worn out from my second essene bread making session, I was having a serious chocolate craving. I melted some 90% Lindt and some almond butter in the mikkywave and mixed it up with a chopped up banana. That was 'meal' 3, if you could justify it's existence as a meal... Dinner was the shank, mashed kumara and veges. I put a very small knob of organic butter on the broccoli but it melted away by the time I'd removed the lens cap.

Now my plan is to down 3mg melatonin and make a start at re-setting my sleep-wake cycles. Getting up early really helps me to feel accomplished and balanced, but I can only do that if I manage to sleep. I'm always amazed by, and envious of, people that can fall asleep in two minutes. It usually takes me at least an hour, but I'm determined to learn how to do that falling asleep thing, starting with a little hormonal assistance.

54/126 - NCR

2009-10-04T00:52:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a while since I had to report a non-conformance but ..

Since Friday I've been feeling really kind of complacent about eating in the way that makes me feel best. I've been cranking up on coffee, having wine every night, and eating a LOT of chocolate. Having eight blocks of chocolate in my fridge should be fine, but last night and tonight I've made a complete pig of myself. Tonight included some really nice fruit cake that The Programmers mum made. So.. let's deconstruct it...

1. It was beginning to feel easy. I began to think that deviating wouldn't be a problem. Also I'm clearly losing weight and so I feel like I can afford to relax my attitude toward food. I should know by now, from past experience, that what happens with this sort of lax thinking is that I wake up in two weeks heavier than ever and depressed as all hell. That's the reality.

2. My sister got back from overseas and I began to feel some of the stress that was troubling me when we were last together. The yukky business stress. I was feeling a potential time pressure because I love spending time with my niece, but it cuts into my already over-full schedule. The reality there is that this is all under my control. I can set my limits. Take her biking on Wednesday, have her stay the night Friday, library Saturday, I don't have to be available 24/7. I just think I do.

3. I already know that alcohol, caffeine and sugar consumption fry my mind and make me feel anxious. Now I'm feeling anxious. This is not neuroscience.. or maybe it is?

4. I've got large amounts of food in my house that I normally wouldn't. Maybe eight blocks of gorgeous lindt chocolate in flavours that are not available in NZ is more than I can handle right now. I may have to find some way to ration myself. Ideas?

I knew when I started that there would be some setbacks and now I just have to set myself back on track and learn from it. I can't afford to just slump back into overeating. The last three days are a reminder that if I stop paying attention and get lazy, I will not live the life that I want to live. On the positive, I have not been bingeing relentlessly. I've managed a dinner out with decorum and tonight threw out half a glass of wine when I realised that I didn't actually want to wake up feeling sad tomorrow.

Ok, time to go have a bath and get an early night. Tomorrow is a busy day but I should have a positive 'back on track' post tomorrow night. Stay tuned.

53/126... update

2009-10-03T01:56:00.000-07:00

Uh oh...

Well, fair to say there was a rather over the top amount of chocolate consumption. Had to be done!

53/126

2009-10-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

Good evening! Yes, I went AWOL yesterday, but it was all with good reason. The Programmer went on a mad spending spree and got me a new computer. Then, being a Programmer, he had to spend a veeeery long time making sure it was all speedy and up to his high Programmer standards... all done while I was fretting and poking my head in the office door every few minutes, as you do when you are an office control freak.

You may have noticed that last night was Friday night, my traditional night of shame. This week, I did not shame myself. Here are a few random pics to prove it.

My breakfast smoothie was a fabulous beast, full of berries, WPC, maca, almond milk and a little stevia powder.
I did not actually record what I ate during the day, but I know it involved a whole Tama Toa bar and more than one espresso ;-/

I noted a few times, especially when I became a bit stressed out, that my mind was giving me the 'it's Friday, you deserve to REALLY splurge' line. I politely told my thoughts to eff-off. That sort of mindset really leads to nowhere good. Instead, while shopping I picked up a bottle of organic wine to share with my mum and some of this fantastic par-baked bread. For some reason, the expensive organic shop sells this at HALF the price of the supermarket. Probably an oversight... probably shouldn't say it out loud.
This bread goes into the oven for 15 mins and comes out perfecto. To go with it, I made a beef braise with something like a kg of beef in it. It was defrosted and needed to be used.
Funnily enough, when serving-up time came, I was craving a salad. This is MY plate, white bread and all.
And.. nothing else to report. That was IT. No carnage at all. Nothing to see here.. for once.

Today I had to get my butt out of bed and pick my sister and niece up at the airport. I grabbed a Lara Bar to take with me, but instead only had an espresso. Then, while looking through holiday snaps, I ate the bar and the icing off a cupcake. Not sure what happened there. Lapse of reason.

Later in the afternoon I had the below plate of yummies:
..and, a plate of leftovers from last night. Meat and veg. I really don't know what happened to the photo...
Todays exercise was just a housework frenzy while waiting for The Programmer to release my computers into my loving arms. I even vacuumed, which hardly ever happens. In fact, it's kind of a joke that about seven years into our relationship I had to ask my man if we had a vacuum cleaner and where it might live.

Tonight I have a dinner out for my sisters birthday.. which means I must now race off to rustle up a present and get pretty. It should be a fun night! ..but not overly so..

51/126

2009-10-01T00:44:00.000-07:00

Today I was up early and into it. I knew I had to get a lot of work out of the way early because I was a woman on a mission. I had a plan to make some major mess in the kitchen. I achieved my goal beyond all expectation.

I need to mention first that I made a fab smoothie this morning, but for some reason my breakfast photo and dinner photo were not able to be retrieved from the card. My compact flash needs a format. I smoothied up some almond milk, almond butter, WPC (unflavoured), cocao beans, frozen bananas and a pinch of stevia. It gave me quite a buzz. I think I have the Theobromine gene. Who needs caffeine anyway?

My sprouts had sprouted and this was the reason for my mania. They needed to be made into essene bread and I wanted to see if I could find a better way to mash them.

First I tried the electric Kenwood attachment. It was a fail. I ended up with sprouts all over the bench, not to mention becoming all red-faced and flustered and.. the language? Luckily I was alone... Then I tried the hand mincer and it just didn't work, it's designed for mincing meat and couldn't get the sprouts mashed at all. So I took a deep breath, spoke to the electric mincer and told it I would conquer. It took some kiwi ingenuity. For some reason, the tube where you feed the sprouts in sticks out to the side. Maybe it works for meat or something more robust, but little sprouty things just fall all over the place. I had to rig up a bowl to catch the escapees, then invented a system involving a glass bottle that kept the sprouts feeding in nicely. Voila!

It worked beautifully. I then mushed the mashed sprouts into a flat shape and cut it into bread-like rectangles. Then dehydrated them for five hours.

Ta daaaaah! Even better than a bought one.

Once the essene bread was on it's way, I had a go with mincing up some dried fruit, nuts and cacao nibs. I formed the resulting gluey mess into balls. Then I melted some raw chocolate on low heat and rolled the balls in that. These were a grande successo. It's tempting to eat a few too many and worth remembering that, healthy though they may be, dried fruit and nuts is still a very concentrated combination. Mucho delicious calories.

I woke up with some pretty intensive aching muscles from yesterdays workout, so it was with some pouty face whinging that I agreed to accompany The Programmer for an after work bike ride. It was fun, except that I had to make my point that you don't have to ride up hills just because they are there. It can also be fun to ride, you know, on the flat. The Programmer is an experienced biker and his definition of just a little hill could be considered a wild underestimation. However, I'm keen for another try tomorrow, depending on how sore my poor surprised quads are!

50/126

2009-09-30T00:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what did it, but I was very insomniac last night. Maybe the cacao beans? I know they are high in Theobromine, so maybe I should treat them with more respect!

However, in spite of the sleep deficit, I got myself out of bed and straight into a short, hard workout, which consisted of bodyweight squats, walking lunges, pressups and reverse crunches on the ball. Nothing fancy shmancy, just the good stuff. Then I got right into a green smoothie. This one contains:
Almond milk, unflavoured WPC, maca, agave syrup and frozen spinach. Not bad at all. I'm not sure which I like the most - the taste or the feeling of virtuousness that comes over me when I drink something green.

Then I put the oven on low and started my 'learning to dehydrate stuff' mission. Apparently it's so very healthy to 'cook' things at a temperature where the enzymes stay alive. I experimented with kale crisps, which took about 4 hours to dry. I'd rubbed a little olive oil and sea salt into them. They were crunchy. The only problem is that two trays of raw kale creates only a small plate of kale chips. I really need to get a dehydrator if I'm going to continue this sort of m'larky.

I ate the kale chips just before lunch, which was an egg salad with essene bread, nut butter and a crunchy apple. BTW.. I ONLY eat crunchy apples. Uncrunchy apples are just ge-ross and I can't handle them at all. I spit them out.. puh, puh, puh.

About 8 hours after they went into the oven, my kumara chips were ready. Nice, but again, massive shrinkage.

Mid afternoon I also munched some cacao beans with figs and had a decaf soy latte when I was out with my mum for a girly catch up.

Dinner was chicken salad....

Chicken salad is a food that I have a psychological problem with. It harks back to the days when I would gak down a chicken salad at least twice and sometimes up to five times a day, even if I was not hungry or in a restaurant. It's time to get over it. I slow cooked a spring chicken and had a crunchy organic lettuce and it just naturally wanted to be a chicken salad.. with kumara wedges. Then I had an apple.

That's today done and dusted. A good day although I'm attempting now to get a grip on managing myself so that, when I get to 9pm at night I don't still have 4 hours of things that I want to get done. This is my next mission, starting tomorrow. Manage my energy, don't let the day run all over me. Do it with at least a littl bit of style. ;)

49/126

2009-09-29T01:34:00.000-07:00

I'm going to start with dinner pics. The only reason for this is that moving photos around in the blogger window to get them in the right order is quite frustrating. If anyone knows an easy way to do it, please enlighten me.

Dinner was a sort of burger made with portobello mushrooms as buns. In the middle is a poached egg and some grilled fish. There are also some pumpkin crisps, a mega salad with honey mustard dressing, essene bread and nut butter and broccoli.

After dinner I had a dandelion coffee with almond milk and some erythritol.

The salad. Organic lettuce (watch out for slugs and caterpillars, wash well!), non-organic rocket, carrots and 'sea vegetables'. I could never call it 'seaweed' or The Programmer might start shunning my green creations.

And now, back to the future..er.. past.

This morning I slept in. I woke up at the usual time, then fell back asleep was re-awoken only when my little black and white cat did his usual routine of purring into my ear. I decided to take a day off work, which is a very rare thing. As I'm self-employed and I study, I can get into the bad habit of never taking a day off. As it was, I ended up sitting around yakking about health with someone for hours anyway, cos' that's just the way it is when you've been involved in health nuttiness for 20 years.

Brunch was leftovers:

Then I headed out to do my shopping. While mooching around in the organic shop I found raw, organic cacao beans, which I've been beyond curious about. Having tried one in the car, I was wondering if I'd just made a very expensive mistake. They taste kind of yukky. Once I got home I experimented with running them through the electric mincer with some dried fruit and I think that's going to work. More experimentation needed.

While shopping I had a Tama Toa bar and an apple. It's a 'jazz' apple, very crunchy.

Instead of exercise today I did a motherload of housework, including giving the fridge a once-over. How quickly it gets manky in there! I also started some rye sprouts sprouting for my next go at making essene bread. I swiped my mums kenwood food processor, which she never uses. It's an oldy but it has the aforementioned mincer and I think this will be great for mashing my sprouts.

I'm feeling a bit snackish now and think I'll go discover an organic banana in the kitchen and then hit the sack with Dan Brown ;)

48/126

2009-09-28T01:08:00.000-07:00

Today had the potential to go rather seriously off the rails, but, instead of throwing myself in a recklessly crazy manner from the wagon, I decided to just let myself be a little bit bad. It all started when dinner was made and my dinner was looking pretty darn unexciting when compared the The Programmers dinner which was this:

I didn't actually want a white-bunned burger, but I was feeling a bit bummed out that my kumara wedges were far from ready and my meal was looking like a lamb burger and salad. In fact it was a lamb burger and salad, and broccoli (wooohooooo). So I pimped my meal a little bit with things I wouldn't usually eat. I fried an egg and put a slice of cheddar between the egg and the burger, then I spooned some thick mayo onto my broccoli and added some essene bread with nut butter. So it looked a bit better:

Then when my kumara wedges were ready, I had them and followed up with an apple and a really decadent hot chocolate, which is made with organic cocoa, agave syrup, almond milk and a humungous handful of marshmallows. That completely clobbered those pesky 'give me something naughty' cravings.

Earlier in the day I had indulged in some organic, raw chocolate. So.. I guess it was just one of those days. Quite bad, but not really disastrous. It's certainly a far cry from the days when I was incapable of anything that vaguely resembled the middle ground between perfection and the binge.

This morning I hopped on the scale to see what's happening with my weight. I've lost about a kg since I started, which is very slow fatloss. However, I've lost 1% bodyfat, which is good and, what's even better is I'm not counting any calories and hardly ever think about my weight or my size at all. It's very liberating. My intention now is to cut back a little bit on concentrated foods like the nut butter, chocolate and essene bread, get some more exercise into my days (today I did yoga) and just generally edge it all towards more veges, more water and fibre foods and more time doing fun stuff that is not my previous favourite passtime of eating. I've made a 'no eating in the new office' rule, which should stop mindless munching. My mind is always on the long-term. I've done quick weightloss and it's not what I need right now. I need slow and steady.

47/126

2009-09-26T22:44:00.001-07:00

This morning I tried my morning dandelion coffee with almond milk. It didn't exactly work. The almond milk frothed rather dramatically, which was fine, but once added to the dandelion coffee it sort of curdled and separated out in some weird food chemistry reaction. With stirring, it would become coffee-like again, but then in about a minute it was back to the weirdness. I did drink it, but I'm not sure if I'll repeat the experiment.

Late lunch was another attempt at an omelette, this time even less successful than the last one! I'm not sure that almond milk works in omelettes either, or it could be that I try and add too many veges. Anyway it tasted fine, I can handle a bit of falling apart-ness.

Mid afternoon we headed out to pick up some wood for the fire and I grabbed half an organic, raw chocolate bar - about 25g worth. It had gogi and camu camu berries in it. Google informs me that camu camu is a rainforest berry with all sorts of super duper beneficial health effects, but I still eat those bars for their chocolate content. Later in the afternoon I had a Ginger Snap Lara bar.

I did not exercise per se today but there was some rushing around and some wood chucking. I dedicated myself to getting some work out of the way that had been left hanging from the week that I went away. This is important for my peace of mind. Now I've got all but one of my assignments for the year done and I'm where I should be with work docs. Therefore, there is no excuse not to get my five training sessions in this week.

Dinner was a delectable lamb chop with fava beans, pumpkin and broccoli. I was still kind of hungry after that so had an apple and a banana with some nut butter and agave syrup. Nut butter is one of those foods that I'm really careful about. It's so easy to eat 300-400 calories of it and not even notice because it's so calorie dense. I treat it with respect in the portion control phase, and then I munch it down with relish.

Tomorrow, the beginnings of the essene bread experiment, round TWO.

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2009-09-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

I apologise for missing day 45, what can I say? It was a Friday and my Mum came for dinner. This is a lethal combination and somewhere around 11pm I realised that my glass of wine had somehow become bottomless and that I was completely stonkered.

The good of it is that, even with comparatively less blood in my alcohol stream I was not tempted to stuff my face. I had one freshly baked wheat roll as part of dinner, but that's it. There's still unmolested chocolate in the fridge. What universe is this??

Today I woke up with a head full of gravel and as a result there are few foody pics because my camera is heavy and the 'click' is way too too loud. I started with a liver-cleansing dandelion soy latte, then got stuck into copious amounts of detox tea, which has peppermint, fennel and nettle in it. Lunch was some leftover chicken drumsticks and an apple. Then I took my life in my hands and went for it with a green smoothie.

It had frozen spinach AND frozen broccoli, frozen banana, soy milk, some soy protein isolate, and agave syrup. I was very green and undoubtedly good for me. Also, it did not taste bad. I can't say I'm ever wild about green drinks, maybe it's a psychological blockage.

I then spent the afternoon moving into my new office. This is a serious improvement upon my old office which was just in an alcove off the kitchen. Now there is separation between my food and work environments, which has to be a good thing. Also, it frees up the dining table!

Late afternoon I ate an entire Tama Toa bar, which was a real indulgence, then later, dinner. Tonights feast was grilled fish with lotsa veg. Then a Dandelion coffee with almond milk. Tomorrow I must do some exercise! I've been loaned a mountain bike and may head off in search of adventure. I've been thinking of buying one but want to give it a decent try out first to be sure that my back can handle it. And, with that, it's time for bed. Tomorrow will be brighter!

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2009-09-24T02:07:00.000-07:00

Today I was feeling that whatever I am doing, it must be the right thing because I'm feeling really good. My energy is great, I'm waking up early and I'm not thinking about food all the time, in fact, I haven't counted a calorie for more than three weeks. I was having issues with calorie counting. It had been messing with my mojo. For example, if I had 'spare' calories because I hadn't been hungry that day, I felt like I should eat more, just because I could. If I was hungry, but close to my calorie limit, I felt like I was not 'allowed' to eat, which made me feel deprived and usually led to breakout eating. It's better this way. If I'm hungry I eat something delicious and usually healthy, end of it.

Today I made another attempt at replicating the fabulous foldover omelette that I got at Tangente in Dunedin. It was..er.. not quite a fail, but I think I need either a non-stick pan or a whole lot more oil if I want that lovely smooth finish. Taste was fine though. This one had spinach, mushrooms and garlic.

Lunch was my favourite Lara Bar which is ginger spice. So good. It may be the new eggs (for those that are not longtime readers - I went through a mad phase where I was paranoid about running out of eggs. It got the the stage when I always had about 6 dozen eggs in my fridge).

Then I went on a Dandelion coffee mission and on my return, made a dandelion soy latte! Yay, I did it! That's half a raw Tama Toa bar beside it.

Then a banana with almond butter.

Today was the day. My rye sprouts were ready and I made my first attempt at making essene bread. I mashed the sprouted rye berries in the blender, formed them into somewhat sludgy balls, set the oven very low and dehydrated them for about 5 hours. The result was ... pretty good for a first try. They needed more mashing, but I'm keen for another go. I ate two of these with a little nut butter and cherry jam (a test kitchen must have a taste tester).

Dinner was a chicken and vege thing with kumara and pineapple. Nothing too ambitious.

No training today as I was writing all day. That's the large assignment done, and I did rewrite the last paragraph, changing the theme of it completely. Tomorrow I've got a smaller one to finish, then a smaller one again to email on Saturday. After that, I'm all yours, more or less ;)

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2009-09-23T02:44:00.001-07:00

Today I have been 100% focused on writing a 2500 word essay about Motivation Theory. It's interesting but my eyes are bugging out from staring at the last paragraph wondering how I can fix it. I think it's time to let go for the night and tomorrow it will all be clear.

Today had a few breakthrough moments. When I'm under pressure and meeting a tight deadline, the urge to snack sometimes gets unbearable. Today I was constantly jumping up and wandering into the kitchen looking for 'that thing' that would relieve the pressure. I decided instead that when that urge hit I'd do a few yoga poses instead. Surprisingly this did work. This is progress.

I started the day with a 20 minute burst on the stat. bike and a soy latte. It did have real coffee in it, but only because I wasted all of my dandelion coffee figuring out how to get it to run in the Saeco. Of course I'd already steamed the milk by the time I rememberd about that. Tomorrow I'll treat myself to another packet of overpriced roasted, ground dandelion root

Late morning I was thinking about making an omelette, but in the spirit of trying 'something else' I created this fruity, nutty concoction instead. It's got apple, half a banana, dried cranberries, figs, walnuts, the tiniest amount of wheat-free cereal (I mean, really tiny, about half a tbsp) and soy milk.
Lunch was a Lara bar, cherry choc.

Then, as I was still feeling hungry, I decided to experiment with joining the whole spinach smoothie craze that is sweeping the blogosphere. I saw it on Skwiggs blog but I've been very nervous about trying it. I used just one cube of frozen spinach, some WPC, agave nectar, maca half a tbsp nut butter and half a frozen banana. It was surprisingly ok. With an exercise of imagination I could detect the spinach-ness, but it wasn't off-putting. I may try it tomorrow with two cubes of frozen green stuff. Wild times.

At this stage it occurred to me that I'd had an almost vegan day (discounting the WPC), which is so unusual as to be a first for me. I wasn't aiming for that, it just happened. Dinner was meaty. I made a beef tangine with mashed kumara and parsnip mash, pumpkin, fava beans.

After dinner I was in danger of raiding the icecream but instead I threw together a healthier treat - banana, dried cranberries, a little almond butter and agave syrup. So yummy, and really too easy.

Tomorrow you should find me in a good mood, as always hits when I finally hand in a killer assignment. My neck/back is feeling much better after a day of typing at an ergonomically set up station and I should be good for some exercise, or perhaps shoppercise, depending on how the day goes.

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2009-09-22T01:17:00.001-07:00

I've passed the magical 40 day mark, like Jesus in the desert (or, in my case, dessert?) and it feels like I am making progress. I managed an entire week away from my controlled home environment and did not go into a foodie panic for more than a few moments at a time. I also managed to stay nightshade-free, although I wasn't too strict on myself otherwise. I even achieved a few miraculous things, like just taking a few bites of brioche and avoiding alcohol for five nights out of seven. I wasn't perfect, I had some coffees and one icecream sundae, but maybe this is what normal eating is all about? Being imperfect, but not disastrously so.

I've got a couple of pics from the last couple of days. Firstly, the delicious fruity, ricey, chicken thing that I made last night. I adapted it from this recipe on about.com. I left out the orange juice (not good for my arthritis) and used agave nectar instead. Very yummo. I had the leftovers for lunch today.

This purple drink was yesterdays brekky. It's got soymilk, whey protein, maca, blueberries, almond butter and raw UMF honey in it.

Today I am once again in my head-down-bum-up assignment writing mode, and did allow myself a few of these for the sake of my focus and concentration. After two, I knew I'd had enough and switched back to my trusty herbal teas.

I also had half of one of these locally made Tama Toa bars, which I found at Piko Wholefoods yesterday. It's a raw food chocolate bar with all sorts of fruity, nutty bits. It's about the same calories as a supermarket chocolate bar, but with 1000% more goodness and six times the price. It was worth it. Gimmee, gimmee.

Later I finally figured out how to use Dandelion coffee, which is just roasted, milled dandelion root, in my espresso machine. Lo! A dandelion long black with a touch of soy milk. I have a carton of soy milk to use and then I'm going to have a go at making my own oat and almond milk. I'm sure I'll manage to blow something up. It's sure to be interesting.

Dinner tonight was a fish soup, leftovers from Sunday night. I threw in a bunch of veges and some chicken meatballs to 'beef' it up. The Programmer got sobu noodles in his, but I saw at the last minute that the buckwheat ones have regular wheat as one of the ingredients, and so I refrained. Wheat is OFF the BTD. The soup was just fine without the noodlys.

I did a very short workout today and twinged something in my upper back while doing tricep extensions with the medicine ball. I aggravated the old OOS problem while on holiday by using my laptop in unusual positions and now I'm paying for it! The only treatment is to rest it and usually it only takes a few days to settle. Tomorrow I'll see if my rye sprouts are ready to be made into essene bread. I have to invent some means of partially grinding them first. You'll be the first (and maybe the only) to know how it all turns out!

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2009-09-21T02:48:00.001-07:00

Regular programming will resume tomorrow. In the meantime, I've posted a few foodcam pics over on Sanaworld.

Catch up...

2009-09-17T22:50:00.000-07:00

Well, my laptop is going, but I have to run it at a ridiculously low res. and it's not so much fun. I've been doing quite well, with no serious food-ups and lots of walking. There have been a few moments where, for example, the best choice was a cheese stuffed kumara, but generally it's been heaps of fun and good choices. I'll do a proper catch up once I get back on Monday. Tonight is Friday night in Dunedin, which shall involve a glass of wine. I have not had a single drink for the entire holiday to this point, which is something of a minor miracle, so it's time to let loose and party. Hopefully, not too hard. ;)

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2009-09-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

I’m just racing off for dinner and am not sure what that will be yet, but today has had it’s ups and downs to this point! I didn’t sleep well, which always does crazy things to my appetite, then I was just settling down to some essene bread and a home-made protein bar when the Programmer got back from his (VERY) early morning sunrise photo shoot and announced we were off to get breakfast. I settled on the scrambled eggs, after questioning the serving lady about what they put in them (cream) and requesting a lower fat version (no cream thanks). I’m not sure what they did but the result was very milky tasting and also huge. The chef and waitress probably did a mutual eyebrow raise and doubled the cream just to teach me not to be a picky eater! I ate half the serve.

We then drove the Mt Cook. I got some great photos but, once again, I’m speed typing and don’t have time to upload. Sorry chickies. Lunch was a Lara bar, tea with soymilk and a bite of that divine cream cheese frosting from someone elses carrot cake. Lunch lacked. I’ve got an assignment to complete. It’s quite nice sitting in the cabin, looking at the lake and typing, but after a couple of hours of hard thinking the boredom and ravenous munchies hit and I raided the cooler for essene bread, figs, pumpkin seeds and another Lara bar. It was a bit of a lapse, even if everything eaten was compliant. Oh, and a can of pineapple. I got out my trusty food neurosis analysis journal and figured out that, duh, perhaps it was time for a break and a walk by the lake.

My plan for dinner is to try and get a grilled fish or something else light, with veges. As this IS small town NZ, it might be a stretch, but I’ll give it a go. Fingers xx’d.

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2009-09-13T02:20:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a short post because I'm on the clock at the overpriced internet point. We do have wi-fi in the cabin, BUT my laptop is throwing a fit and The Programmer is trying to fix it (perks of having a Programmer).

The hardest part of travelling for me is being a passenger in the car. I get bored to death and it's a struggle not to just munch. Before we left I ate some essene bread with an egg and nut butter, then pretty much got in the car and dreamed of lunchtime. When the moment arrived we found a country pub that did a good roast.. I requested no potatoes and left behind the cheese-drenched leeks. Then I had a chocolate fish from the most unusually placed chocolate shop.. right there in little 'ol Geraldine. Mid afternoon I had a Lara bar and a banana and finally we made it to our destination and I could get out of the car and do some walking! I did some yoga on the shores of Lake Tekapo and then some study. It's wonderful to be out of the city, peace and quiet, beautiful scenery.

Tonight we walked into Tekapo. Hmm, it's pretty dark in the country without street lights, huh? We found, of all things, a Thai restaurant and I got a starter of grilled chicken and a main of ginger stirfried prawns and veges. It was SHINY with oil but I was really hungry and ate it all anyway. Tomorrow I'm going to try and forget about food until I get hungry. Way too much of that 'waiting for the next meal' feeling today.

Hopefully we can get my lappy fixed and I'll be able to post some pics over on Sanaworld.

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2009-09-12T03:35:00.000-07:00

No piccies today! I did take one of my newly invented smoothie.. but you've probably seen enough smoothie pictures. It's not that one is noticeably different from the previous one.

Breakfast today was a bit of leftover chicken from last night, some essene bread and a mini-apple. Then we went 'out and about' and it was getting close to lunchtime when we went into a swanky looking cafe in Merivale Mall (that's the poshest Mall in Chch - you don't want to actually buy anything there, just look). The selection was particularly dire, so I had a Green Tea and told myself that nobody starved to death between breakfast and lunch, even though the anxiety was setting in (what if we get a flat tyre on the way home??). The strange thing is that by the time we DID get home, I no longer felt all that hungry and had a pineapple/protein/maca smoothie for lunch. It had a whole can of pineapple chunks in it and my blender struggled, but it was delicious. Hard to get up the straw though...

Mid afternoon I had a boiled egg, some essene bread, a raw carrot and only two squares of organic raw chocolate. Oh, the impressive self control! I'm training myself that you do not have to eat 40g to get a chocolate experience. Later, about 5pm I was feeling that 'really want to munch' urge in my brain, but not in my stomach. I decided to go for a walk, which turned into a much longer walk than anticipated because some ninny had tried to go under a low bridge with a digger on his trailer. The digger had ended up on it's (bent up) scoop with it's back wheels stuck in the underside of the bridge. There were a lot of perplexed looking police and interested passersby milling around. I decided to go down the other side of the river instead of the more direct route home and it was significantly longer.. maybe an hours walking all up.

Dinner was a seriously overcooked venison shank. I need to improve my deer cooking skills. It always dries out and tonights was the definition of 'old boot'. I soldiered through most of it, happy for the huge salad on the side. I also had a banana and an apple. Then a little essene bread with almond butter.

Then I had to get some work done, which took me to about 10.30pm and the hungries started again. I grabbed a few walnuts and had another raw carrot. I wonder how many carrots you have to eat to get Beta Carotene overload and turn orange? I'm sure I'm heading that way, maybe it will be mistaken for a ski-tan once I get to Queenstown in a few days.

Ok, ciao belli/e, I'm packed and ready to hit the road early tomorrow. First stop is Tekapo. It's not exactly the back of beyond so it should be easy to find a net-cafe and update the blogs. I'm also taking my laptop. Who knows? Perhaps camping has gone wi-fi? One can hope.

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2009-09-11T00:48:00.001-07:00

Fridays are my traditional 'relax a little and have a few wines' day. Usually this evolves into a few too many wines and then an attack of the chocolates. Today, as I'm not drinking, I hardly knew what to do with myself when my Mum popped around for her Friday night wine and whine session. We've had a lot of stress lately and sometimes it's good to have a good bitch and moan in the comfort of your home. I told her 'Mum, I've given up drinking because it gives me anxiety problems' and, of course, she completely missed the point and told me that she had been reading about people that get depressed when they cut down the carbohydrates too much and overexercise. ..

So, we sat down and drank sparkling water with a little bit of ginger mixer in it. Because I wasn't drinking, she didn't either. This is probably good for both of us, healthwise. Oh, except I'd just started my cardio when she turned up, so that was another fail in the exercise dept. Otherwise the day went well. I had an early appointment and noticed that, either because of the non-drinking or because of the healthy diet, my mind felt like it was functioning more smoothly than I'm used to. I was (as usual) addressing my clients ad. lib. but didn't get stuck for words, as often happens. I felt positively brainy. Also, twice today I laughed out loud at things, which felt great - strange, but great. It's been a long time since I had any spontaneous laughter. But, now it's back! Cross-fingers I can stay the course and get my happies back for good!

Eating was fine. I had to break out the near-binge journal before dinner. Just after my mum left, I found myself wanting to eat some essene bread with nut butter and chocolate, and so I did. It wasn't hard to figure out what was going on, it's Friday, I'm nervy about the upcoming trip, let's splurge. Quite a minor result for a Friday though.

Breakfast was the usual egg, essene bread construction. I cut back on the essene bread and had a banana on the side. Omega 3's and Glucosamine.

Lunch was leftover meatloaf and some chicken meatballs with veges. I also had 20g chocolate and a small apple. And, an espresso. The habit is proving harder to re-kick than I'd anticipated. I really want to be caffeine-free. Working on it.

Mid afternoon I grilled a fish fillet with fava beans and veges. Two small apples (they are mini, kid-sized ones). I also went shopping for travel supplies. Tomorrow I will make a batch of protein bars to take also. In my case, it's best to be overprepared.

Dinner was .. um.. a thing. It involved chicken thighs, kumara and parsnip all cooked in a vege broth. I also made a salad and steamed broccoli. After dinner I had another mini apple.Tomorrow I'll be in preparation mode for the trip but I'll try and get a pre-travel blog done. I'll also try and update either here or at Sanaworld while I'm off seeing the sights of the South. Yay for the plug in, backseat cooler. It may whirr like a large refrigerator, and shake, but it symbolises my peace of mind and, for that, I can handle an earthquake in the back for 6 hours.

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2009-09-10T02:42:00.000-07:00

Is it really 30 days since I started this craziness? That month went quickly! I'll blink my eyes and it would have been TWO months of healthy habits, just - like - THAT.

Today I kept procrastinating my cardio and then had to sit an online exam, then do some more study and work and suddenly, HELLO, it's 10pm. One day I'll learn. Do exercise early, bubba.

Eating was once again, quite vegelicious and contained nothing resembling wine or chocolate. I've decided to finally give wine the boot for a good long while. I was reading that if you have a slightly anxious mind, like mine tends to be, then alcohol just makes you completely mental, unfocused and sad, as I tend to get. I can do without it. I intend to chase those happy feelings down and put them in my head by whatever means necessary.

Breakfast today was the usual essene bread, egg, walnut butter combo with Omega 3 and glucosamine capsules.

Lunch did not get the photo treatment because I was in the middle of creating some kick-a user instructions for a fictitious software program. This is the joys of the www (which, by the way, in Italian, sounds like vu vu vu). You can take a break and eat lunch while sitting an exam. Lunch was a beef steak and lots of veges. My mother generously gave me a huge pile of fresh highland beef, which is very lean. Also, I know those cows had a great life in the country and didn't experience the horrors of bulk meat processing when it was time to become steaks. Fresh meat like that tends to bleed more than dried out supermarket stuff when you thaw it and I've observed that some people just can't handle it. I guess I'm really not squeamish, I mean, where do people think meat comes from?? Yes, that is blood inside that raw meat. Sorry, I didn't put it there to gross you out. I will make a point not to be playing with steaks when visitors come by.

Mid afternoon was a protein and banana smoothie. This time with Whey Protein Concentrate of my own design. I make a point to properly sample the new batches, even though I'm not supposed to eat dairy on the BTD for Type O's (although the Genotype diet might have allowed it, had I been able to actually figure out which genotype I am). I didn't get any noticeable negative effect from the dairy consumption though, perhaps because it is very low-carb and therefore low-lactose? Anyway it was delishamous.

BTW, the very crucial thing for making a protein drink taste marvellously flavourful is the addition of a coloured straw (as I am kiwi, I shall assert my right to put u's in exotic places).

Dinner was a meatloaf which had sneaky veges that The Programmer didn't even notice were in there. Perhaps he noticed the onion, but he didn't know there was also spinach in there, did he?. BWAHAHHAA.

I had way more veges than meat, due to my new policy of vegeing up myself. Japanese turnips, pumpkin, broccoli, rocket, mushrooms and jerusalem artichokes. A few hours later I had an apple.

Next week, The Programmer and I are making a road trip in the (rudely named) grand NZ tradition of 'going down south' . We will be leaving on Sunday and will be away for a whole week. Naturally this is causing me a high degree of foodie anxiety and, as per usual, I'll probably take several large coolers of food that I only eat a quarter of. It will be very interesting to see how my new nutrition plan holds up in the Big Bad World outside my house. Sink or Swim? Stay tuned.

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2009-09-09T02:18:00.000-07:00

Today was vegelicious and an otherwise quite rockin' day. I had a dream last night about winning $10 000 from Lotto, and consequently, woke up feeling happy! My first activity was a brutal lower body workout with 2 minute cardio spikes. That is, between supersets I get on the bike and pedal like hell for 2 minutes. It's the longest two minutes that ever happened, but such a great way to increase fitness. I didn't skimp on the nasty exercises like 90 second planks. I still fail at squats due to my various imbalances, but I think I'm improving. I tried one set unassisted, then went back to ball squats.

Breakfast was a smoothie with rice and soy protein, a banana and a pinch of Stevia powder.

Lunch was a huge pile of veges with an egg and two egg whites. I'm making a super effort to EAT VEGES. That's leftover parsnip mash there, just in case someone was about to dob me in to the BTD police for illegal potato consumption.

Mid afternoon was a salad with some grilled beef, pumpkin, broccoli, lettuce and pumpkin kernels. It had a tsp of olive oil drizzled over.Dinner: More veges and two organic chicken drumsticks. Those organic chickens seem very lean. I've had some disasters cooking them because they can get dry. Today I remembered to cover while cooking and their muscular legs were delish.

After dinner I had a apple, then a couple of hours later another chicken drumstick and a raw carrot. Now I've got sign off. It's time for CSI:Miami. What?? It's practically my only vice! A girls got to have a bad habit, right?

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2009-09-08T03:24:00.000-07:00

Today was the opposite of yesterday. It started out badly but ended well! A rare feat, but one that I'd certainly like to be able to repeat. I woke up in a very bad mood, not helped at all by feeling nauseaus and kind of ill and did I mention that I was in a very negative mood? I was not fun to be around. However, as it was a 'no appointments' day, the only person I got to be around was myself, which is definitely a good thing (?)

My head was full of negative thoughts about my ability to actually live the healthy life that I want to live. Mostly, I was dwelling on the fact that I can eat well most of the time, I have no trouble exercising, but then I still have these moments of overeating where I undo all my hard work (not quite true, but we are not talking about a realistic frame of mind here).

The overeating that I've been doing lately, I can't really call 'bingeing'. I've been there and it's really a different thing. If last night had been a binge, I would have been hustling my mother out the door so that I could make a run to the 24 hour service station for icecream and chocolate. Bingeing doesn't end until you can't breathe anymore. This is just overeating. But still, it's destructive because it feels like something that I can't predict or control. It's very frustrating, but I'm beginning to see that it's not a fat issue, or a food issue, it's kind of to the side of that and I need to deal with it in a way that doesn't just involve telling myself 'don't do that'. Today I made a good start at digging up the motivations that drive it.

Before that moment though, there was the morning. Being that I wasn't hungry, I didn't eat until about 1pm and it was just an egg salad with essene bread.

About 3pm I headed to the library. I'd packed an apple and some walnuts and ate them in the car when I got hungry. On the way out of the library, head still full of defeatist thoughts, I auto-piloted across to the dairy and bought, of all things, a steak and cheese pie, which contains nearly everything that's not on my plan. My immediate (illogical) thought had been something like 'well, today marks the end of my first month and next month I'm not going to screw up even once, so this is my last chance to really blow it. I'd might as well really go for it'. I left there with an evil plan to get home and eat .. stuff.

By the time I got home though, I was just feeling angry and, for some reason, this made me ask myself a very intelligent question, which was 'what, exactly, do I get out of it?'. Rather than going at myself with 'I've got to stop this, I've got to stick to the plan, lose weight, this has to be the last time', I wised up. Because, clearly, if it's such a hard habit to kick, I MUST be getting something out of it, right? Otherwise I wouldn't do it. So, I grabbed my journal and just started writing along the lines of what I feel when I overeat. Yeah.. there was a lot, much more than I had first thought, and I would like to keep this post relatively short, so I'll just summarise. Mostly I saw that I use food much like a drug. I use it to alter my mental state, whenever my feelings get uncomfortable, and it does it very effectively. I can't mentally talk myself out of overeating, I'm going to have to deal with it at the icky feelings level. Yay.

After that, the urge to stuff my face was completely gone and I had my mental focus and happies back. Food was just food again and I was able to eat a healthy dinner. It was a grilled steak with a red wine reduction and lots of veges including a parsnip mash (it's hiding under the steak). For dessert I had an apple. There was a glass of wine.

I don't want to needlessly dig into my psyche or pick fights with myself, but intend to just take it gently on a case by case basis and see if I can figure myself out somewhat. I'm sure it will be endlessly fascinating reading for the two people that visit this blog. Actually I have no idea how many readers the Lab has. I'm not going to put a site meter on it because, actually, I don't want to know. It makes it feel more like I'm writing it just for me.

27/126 NCR

2009-09-07T03:38:00.000-07:00

Grrr. I seem to be doing 'confessional' posts far more often than the 'I kicked ass today' ones and I'm not liking it, which is part of the point of having a blog, I guess! Get it out there!

Although everything I ate today was technically ON PLAN, I just ate far too much of it. The stress/eating connection I can really see coming through and I have to start developing some strategies. The eating started as I was comtemplating going to a meeting with someone I have a lot of negative history with. I would rather just never see this person, but it was a business necessity. On the way home from that meeting I was so pre-occupied with 'upset thoughts' that I ran a red light and nearly caused a major accident. That's the first time I have EVER even come close to causing an accident and it did absolutely nothing to calm my already fragile state. Nor did the abuse from the driver I nearly slammed into, although I can see that her tirade was completely justified. I'm just so bloody lucky that there was nobody coming from the right or I definitely wouldn't be here to whine about excess consumption of roasted pumpkin kernels. Don't stress and drive.

The good of today was that I once again had a fabulous training session (HIIT cardio) and that I got up early and made something of the day Also, I didn't go for the biscuits and everything so maybe I'm being too hard on myself. My mum came for dinner, so there was wine and dessert (I had a banana with agave syrup) and slack arse watching of CSI Miami + more wine... you get the picture.

What I need is to get some momentum going. Tomorrow marks the end of the first month. I've made small progress and the best I can hope for in month two is to improve on that. ;) Like I said, I'm in no real hurry here. I need to work my way through the practicalities and the forming of habits so that I don't spring back to fatness. I accepted from the start that there would be bad days, but, if I'm on the right track there should be fewer of them as time goes by!

26/126

2009-09-06T03:06:00.000-07:00

Today had two foodie irregularities and one technical glitch. Firstly I ate chocolate for lunch, then I had a vegetarian dinner. I wanted to show off my wonderful ginger tofu stirfry but I can't because the card in my camera appears to have become corrupted... and now I've eaten it and the moment has passed. Also, this means that there are no gratuitous food shots today.

Well.. ok, here is a ravaged chocolate wrapper. Is that gratuitous enough? It was definitely good for me.

I got up kind of late today, so breakfast was late (it was the usual essene bread with nut butter and a boiled egg) and then at lunchtime I was rushing around and not particularly hungry. I just grabbed half of the above chocolate bar and an espresso. Hero's lunch. As of now I'm back on no caffeine though because my sleeping habits have once again, gone all to hell. Caffeine is not my friend.

Mid afternoon I ate some leftover curry from yesterday and a fig. Dinner was the aforementioned stirfry (ginger marinated tofu, lots of veges) and an apple. An hour later I was ravenous and had some essene bread with nut butter and cherry jam - it was a really small portion.

Training was an upper body and yoga session. The exercises were:

* Ball pressup (feet on ball) 4 x 10

* Single leg extension (wii-fit) with 5kg bicep curl

*King of the dance (yoga pose) x 3

*Reverse flye using the band 3 x 15

*Triangle (yoga pose) x 3

*Shoulder stand (yoga) x 3

*Hyperextension 3 x 12

I haven't done ball pressups for a really long time because my wrist was complaining. Today it was happy and it felt good to do something quite more difficult. My main challenge at the moment is getting more veges and fewer concentrated foods in the form of essene bread and raw chocolate. Seeing as I've developed an 'organic wine or no wine' policy, the wine consumption should be quite easy to keep under control. The thing which decided me is that I have no ill effects from slurping the organic stuff. Even with moderate consumption of non-organic wines I would have a slightly heavy head the next morning. It may be entirely psychological but I don't care. The way I feel is the way I feel, can't argue with it, especially if it helps me learn how to perform 'extreme moderation'.

25/126

2009-09-05T01:52:00.000-07:00

Today was go, go, go from the moment I woke up. It was very much a 'making it work' day.

I was woken up by the Programmer, who was already up and wanted to go shopping (OK!). I quickly boiled an egg so that I could make my usual breakfast of egg, essene bread and walnut butter. We had to take the car for servicing in preparation of the upcoming road trip, so there was quite a bit of walking into town and then around town.

At lunchtime we were near Starbucks so I went for the Perfect Oatmeal again, with a soy cappuccino. Mid afternoon I was back at home and grinding my way through that assignment, which is now sooo very close to being finished (honestly, did anyone ever make such a fuss about getting through an undergraduate degree??). I grabbed some organic raw chocolate and an apple.

Right before dinner I went out for another walk, just to move and clear my head then I made a semi-curry. Instead of curry powder I just used cumin and turmeric. I sauteed a large onion in a saucepan then added some beef, lots of kumara (sweet potato), mushrooms and a can of pineapple. Unfortunately I burned it and had to transfer it from the saucepan to a ceramic dish and stick it in the oven. I served it with lots of broccoli and a few glasses of organic red wine. Mmmm.

24/126

2009-09-04T18:49:00.001-07:00

Today was very unusual in that I woke up early and didn't feel like staying in bed. That happens.. never. I've been taking a 5Htp complex for about a week, hoping to give myself a boost in driving away the blahs (it's a natural serotonin booster) and it seems to be working. Either it's the 'very little crap' diet, or the 5Htp, but something in my brain is changing for the better.

Breakfast was the ususal protein + essene bread + Omega 3 combo, this time with a leftover meatball from dinner the night before. And SEE what my violent dishwasher does to my plates? Plates, cups and ceramic cookware.. they all have been bitten by the dishwasher from hell.

Lunch was a lamb chop, fava beans and a delicious fuji apple. Oh, and some organic, raw chocolate. I know I am bucking the ubiquitous vegan trend with my meat consumption. I'm working up a post about it which I will put on Sanaworld. In short, I do eat meat, but I am also against intensive farming procedures. I only eat organic meat and I check the source of it. I've tried vegetarianism and veganism, but even with really careful planning it didn't work for me.

Mid afternoon I ate some carrot sticks with nut butter. As it was a 'sitting on my butt' day, I wasn't all that hungry.

The Programmer suggested that we go out to see the new Harry Potter movie (awesome!) so we stopped for a kebab on the way. Of course I lingered annoyingly around the counter instructing them no tomatoes, no peppers, no chili sauce. They probably thought I was a complete nut. After the movie I had an apple and about 20g chocolate.

Tomorrow I MUST finish that assignment. It's been a really tough one but it's fully drafted. It's functional, now I just need to make it beautiful.

23/126 NCR

2009-09-03T15:52:00.000-07:00

Day 23 was a bit of a struggle! It started well, but I got into a bad mental space in the afternoon and made the fatal decision to have a glass of wine before dinner. The problem was that I'm working on a uni assignment and it's not going very smoothly. So, I procrastinated and practically talked myself into believing that it's a lost cause, so why even try (wrong attitude!). I know.. with that kind of self talk going on, it's only a matter of time before it segues into.. well, if I'm going to be a lose I'd might as well have fun doing it! Let's have a drink! And some chocolate!

The goods news? It was organic wine so the hangover was nil. Also I did not drink the whole bottle, and I still managed to avoid eating any of the Programmers pasta that I made him for dinner, although - ahem - I did sprinkle a rather overgenerous amount of grated cheese on my broccoli. Well, even on the Paleo diet you are allowed to break the rules sometimes.

No training, I had an early appointment with a client and so designated a rest day. That's my two rest days for the week used.

Breakfast was the usual boiled egg on essene bread with walnut butter. Before I went to my appointment I threw a lamb chop in my mini-crockpot and it was ready for lunch with a bunch of veges. That's cubed pumpkin with some pumpkin seeds sprinkled on (reunited!).

Mid afternoon I nuked a piece of turmeric coated fish, pre-cooked from yesterday and had a delicious fuji apple with nut butter, and a fig. The organic fuji apples at the moment are aMAYzing, very sweet and crunchy.

Dinner - note the abundance of el cheddar. I made some lean beef burgers, lots of broccoli, it was a pretty good meal. You can see the remnants of a glass of wine hanging in there for it's last few moments on earth.

And, of course. Having gotten that out of my system, suddenly that assignment doesn't even look so scary. It's all attitude.

22/126 - Weigh day!

2009-09-02T02:10:00.001-07:00

Well, the big moment arrived and it was somewhat anti-climactic. I've lost 600g and half a % body fat, so I'm at 60.4kg. I was pleasantly surprised, considering the number of extreme wine and essene bread sessions that accidentally happened over the last three weeks. I'm going away on the 14th for a week, so I'll do a pre and post holiday weigh-in on the 14th and the 21st.

My plan for the next 12 days is just more of the same but with less wine and more veges. Exercise is almost where I want it to be, although less time sitting on my butt would be another step in the right direction.

First thing today was lower body training. After warming up I went three times through a circuit of:
* Lunges (x 20, as per the wii-fit tempo which is torturously slow, as lunges should be)
* Sun salute (yoga)
* Bridge (wii-fit)
* King of the Dance (yoga)
* Romanian deadlift

It's a bit mixed up, but I like having the yoga in there to stretch the muscles that I've just worked. The end result is worked AND relaxed and ready for anything.

Eating:

1. Boiled egg on essene bread with walnut butter. On the BTD for Type O's I'm supposed to keep my egg consumption down to six a week. Considering that I can easily eat four a DAY, I'm going to have to cut back on the omlettes.

2. Banana protein smoothie with a tbsp agave syrup. I used half and half soy/rice protein and had some raw chocolate on the side.

3. Grilled fish with fava beans, raw carrot, essene bread. About half an hour after this I had some more chocolate, but now it's all gone so that won't be happening again this week.

4. Dinner was a small kidney, mushroom and onion stirfry with a motherload of veges and a sprinkling of goatsmilk feta. Delishamous.

My meals have really been kind of simple and 'made in a hurry' lately. I've got a couple of assignments to get out of the way and then I'll try and post some of the more complicated things I try, like my attempts to become a saucier. I prefer to have time to futz around and come up with some gourmet fare, but in a pinch, it comes down to protein and veges, and sometimes.. wine.

21/126

2009-09-01T01:49:00.000-07:00

This morning I elected to take a rest day. I'm aiming for five workouts a week, with at least two being HIIT cardio. So, today being Tuesday, that's one done, four more to go! Tomorrow I will do a lower body and yoga session.

Sadly, there is no foodcam today, which is primarily because I was deep in my study bubble and didn't really have any inspiring meals to photograph. It was nearly all protein and veges, which has to be a good thing.

1. A boiled egg, small amount of essene bread and a cup of pineapple cubes. Pineapple is high in Bromelain, which inhibits inflammation. In the BTD for arthritis book, pineapple is a super-beneficial food and I will make a point to eat it more often.

2. Lamb shank and veges, a fig.

3. Cup of pineapple cubes, some leftover lamb shank, 25g raw chocolate

4. Fish and a huge amount of veges. I was still feeling hungry afterward and so constructed a dessert which was some essene bread (it is naturally quite sweet) with a banana and some cherry jam. I drizzled some agave syrup over it and this chased away my post-dinner munchies.

Yesterday when my aunt was visiting she grabbed some of my essene bread to try it. The response was a very screwed up face and a firm 'YUK!'. I guess it's not for everyone then! I really like it though and, in fact, I'm gathering the stuff I need to have a go at making some. How hard can it be? (famous last words?)

Well, tomorrows the big day when I weigh in and see if this nutrition plan is turning me into an elephant or a slinky sylph. I really have no idea, so it will be interesting either way. Stand by for a REAL tantrum if I'm gaining weight. I can't help myself, it's an involuntary reaction to rising numbers on the scale. Just warning ya.

20/126

2009-08-31T03:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I feel like my little speed bump is in the rear view mirror and I'm back in the groove. This morning I got up and straight on the stationary bike for 20 mins HIIT. I did 10.6kms which was 0.6kms more than the last two sessions. I'm going to set a habit of exercising first thing. I think it's a great way to set myself up for the day and also... well, then it's done and I don't have it hanging in mid-air as something I have to make time for later.

Eating today involved quite a bit of venison, which is a beneficial food for Type O's. Yesterday I crock-potted a couple of venison shanks but we didn't eat them because we were invited to my Grandmas for takeaways. So, that accounts for the unusual first two meals.

Firstly, a picture of yesterdays smoothie. I forgot to blog it, in my late-night fuzzy brained state.

Breakfast today, post cardio, was some venison slices on essene bread.

Lunch was some chopped up venison with lots of steamed veges and a raw carrot. I drizzled a tsp of olive oil on this, it was ok. Average.

Mid-afternoon I was very snacky and had an apple, a raw carrot and some nut butter on essene bread. I made the stunning discovery that walnut butter is about 700 calories per 100grams. That's way more than chocolate and more than any other nut butter I've ever encountered. However, as I no longer eat it by the tablespoon (what? who hasn't done that at some stage?), I think I'm ok. Walnuts are super-beneficial on Blood Type Diet for Arthritis. They are also a nut that contains some Omega 3 fatty acids.

Um, I had some visitors late afternoon and 'may' have had an espresso and 25g chocolate. Possibly... but there is no photo to prove it, therefore it's just heresay.

I then made a pilgrimage to the health food shop for some more essene bread, but they were OUT (arrrgh!). I did get some more raw chocolate though and a bottle of organic wine for tonight.

As this was the only bottle that fell even remotely close to my price range, I was worried that it might be undrinkable crap, but it wasn't. It was not a 'big red', but it was what I'd call spirited and spicy. It was certainly popular with the other dinner guests. I know, I know, that's twice that I've broken my 'no drinking' rule. Pfft. I don't even know what to say.

The meal turned out to be roast pork (an 'avoid') and various roast veges, most of which were either cooked in butter or oil. I just made the best choices possible. It was really nice that, because they know I am on a knightshade-free diet, they cooked the potatoes separately from the other roast veges. Aw... group hug.

Tomorrow is the last day before my first weigh in, so I'll try to be perfect ;) It will be very interesting to see how my weight is behaving. I don't feel any thinner, however, as my jeans shrunk in the wash, it's a bit hard to be sure about it! I'm just glad to be at day 21, that's the hardest part done!

19/126

2009-08-30T03:17:00.001-07:00

Whoops, look at the time! As I'm trying to get more sleep in, I'll make this a summary of the day.

Training: Upper body wii-fit workout and yoga

Eating:
1. Green omlette with lots of other veges - pumpkin, mushroom..
2. Smoothie made with Soy Protein Isolate, a banana and agave syrup
3. Sardines on essene bread with nut butter, a raw carrot
4. I was invited to my Grandmas place for a dinner that consisted of takeaways from the Chinese shop across the road. I ordered an egg fu yung, which at least consisted of protein and veges. It did have pork in it, which an avoid, and the salt level must have been horrendous, but it was the best choice. I added a salad and tried to keep the portion quite small. I think I did ok.

18/126

2009-08-29T01:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took a day off from study, work, blog, everything, just to relax and try and get my brain back. The main problem is that when I get stressed, I suffer insomnia. After a few nights of that I'm pretty useless and can't handle much. Today I'm much better and planning on getting to bed at a reasonable hour. Hopefully, with a bit of pre-bed relaxation, I'll be able to sleep!

Eating yesterday was fine, no problem. I didn't record it but it was a fully compliant BTD day. I've also just been reading 'The Paleolithic Diet' which has reminded me to eat far more veges. It's pretty easy really - avoid dairy, grains and starchy veges as much as possible. Eat lean proteins and lots of non-starchy veges and fruit.

Today I started with a green omlette (no feta) for breakfast. Then, a few hours later, I 'found myself' at Theobroma where I ordered a dark hot chocolate made with soy milk. That was at about 1pm so you could say it was lunch ;-/ About 4pm I had some sardines on essene bread, an apple and a raw carrot.

Dinner was highly vegelicious, as you can see in the pic. It's mostly grilled veges. There's also some lean grilled beef in there somewhere. After dinner I had a fig and a banana. Calories were at 1000 before dinner, so the day will be somewhere in the 1600-1800 calorie mark. I've had a think about calorie counting and decided that I really need to take a more relaxed approach to it, maybe not even 'do numbers' every day. The reason is that more than one overeating episode has been triggered off by feeling deprived because I was hungry but was getting very close to my calorie limit for the day. Also, I've noticed that if I accidentally undereat because I wasn't ravenous that day, then I feel I should eat more to get closer to my calorie goal. I'd like to be a little less aware of the 'daily countdown' to the zero point. It's a work in progress, but my goal is to eventually have zero anxiety about eating or not eating. It's only food, no need to get crazy.

16/126 NCR

2009-08-27T01:51:00.000-07:00

Bleh.. I think I'll just say that today started well, with an early morning and HIIT cardio on the bike, but ended kind of badly with an overindulgence in wine and essene bread - it may be healthy but it's still quite calorie dense. On the whole though, I feel like I'm moving toward where I want to be. I have not had a 5000 calorie mega-binge in ages and I'm not eating to the point of feeling ill or eating junk. It's all improvement. That having been said, I will die of surprise if I show a weightloss at the three week mark. I guess it all depends on how the next five days go!

In thinking about the last few days, it's clear that I've been under massive stress. Without going into it too deeply there has been a lot of emotion flying around regarding the liquidation of a family business and the associated loss of some family property. Also I decided to clean up my personal affairs by cutting a few business ties (financial) and this resulted in a highly abusive email from someone that I once was quite good friends with. As regards the family stuff, I've been getting it from all sides. In family situations I tend to be Switzerland, a neutral zone where everyone feels they can dump their high emotion without much consquence. Of course I love my family, but the influx of emotion and tension does take a toll, especially when it's a situation that I can't even do a single thing about - so I feel helpless. As regards the abusive email, people seem to percieve me as someone that won't be affected by something like that. I guess because I always handle it without becoming a mess, at least outwardly. I haven't been sleeping well either which does not do fabulous things for my appetite control.

So, I'm not entirely too sure what to do about my stress eating in these circumstances, but for now I'll just be aware of it and try to look after myself more adequately. Take action before I get to the state of completely overwhelmed and beside myself.

Foody pics for today:

Candied parnsips. Parsnips parboiled and then baked in a mix of agave syrup and olive oil. Mmm.

Dinner.

15/126

2009-08-26T02:20:00.000-07:00

I started the day with a yoga and upper body session but half way through I was distracted by a phonecall from overseas regarding the aforementioned family crisis. All my zen and my daily plan kind of flew out the window, but I didn't crumble and dive into the rest of my organic chocolate.

Breakfast was a boiled egg on essene bread, which is my current favourite quick breakfast
At lunchtime I was rushing between bank and meeting but stopped by a kebab shop and got a salad with lamb and chicken. I managed to get them not to include anything tomatoey, but it did have cheese and hommous. Then I had a decaf, soy cappuccino. Not brilliant, but not a disaster either.
Mid afternoon I was feeling really snackish (is that a word?), so I grilled a lean lamb chop and boiled up some broccoli. I also had a fig and 2 squares of chocolate.

Dinner was my attempt to recreate a yummy salad I recently had at a restaurant. It's pumpkin cubes (baked to slight crispiness), grilled lamb, roasted pumpkin seeds and a little feta. I also added some herbed baked potato cubes and ciabatta bread to the knightshade and wheat eaters plates. They also got a whole lot more feta.

I think today was about 1800 calories. Not a bad effort for a crazy day.

14/126 - NCR*

2009-08-25T03:30:00.000-07:00

I'm very sorry, but today I did not break out the foodcam. Today was one of those days where I did not quite get it together all day and then had a mad food craving and ate a couple of bowls of Oatibix in the mid afternoon. Then, not quite hungry for dinner, I snacked on pumpkin seeds and chocolate throughout the evening. It wasn't a great eating day, in fact, it was a fail, especially since the grain consumption was a bit excessive. At least I did not hit the alcohol or the caffeine, so not an 'E', maybe just a 'D' grade day, needs a lot of improvement.

It is probably no coincidence that my mad snacking co-occurred with some family stress that I got dragged into as peacekeeper. This interefered with my study time which made me feel all 'grrrrrr', and I just didn't handle the whole situation in a very self-empowering manner - still I've had 13 good days and I don't feel like it's going to be a big deal so.. no need to bleat on. Let's see how things work out in a week when I do my first weigh in! *sweaty palms*.

I did make two foodie discoveries today:

1. Essene bread. I'd been estimating my essene bread calories at 130-150 calories per 100g, based on various sources from around the internet, including the BTD Typebase. Today I got an email from Thompsons, that make the Essene Bread that I buy, answering my question about the nutritional values of the wheat and rye 'cob' loaves. I plonked their document on the server here. As you can see, I was out by more than 100 calories per 100g, which adds up to quite a bit over a day, maybe up to 300 calories, which definitely puts me into maintenance intake.

2. The Loving Earth raw, organic chocolate bars to which I am so lovingly devoted, are, shall we say 'generously proportioned' (you certainly wouldn't want to call them 'large' in these PC times). I weighed one. Don't ask me why I weighed it. I was just standing by the scales, bar in hand and put it on there, absentmindedly. Then I raised one eyebrow, unwrapped the bar, and weighed it again. I don't want to say it too loudly, in case the Loving Earth people get wind of it and mend their wickedly wonderful ways, but those bars are all about 20g overweight. That's FINE BY ME, except it does mean that each bar is about 120 calories more energetic than I had thought, and that was an alarming discovery.

Tomorrow is another upper body workout and a day of zen-like calm attention to my work and study activities. Ohmm.

*The NCR is a report that we use in compliance to indicate a Non-Conformance. It stands for 'Non-Conformance Report' and I'm going to use it for Non-Conforming days. The NCR pairs with a CAR or Corrective Action Report, which also seems relevant to keeping on track. Perhaps I'll fill one out next time I do a NC and submit it to management ;)

13/126

2009-08-24T02:23:00.000-07:00

Lucky day 13!

1. Blueberry smoothie with rice protein and agave syrup. This was surely up there on the health scale but the grittiness of the rice protein didn't work out that well in a smoothie. It was drinkable and tasted nice but the texture.. I'm not so sure about the texture.

2. Lunch. A meat, brocolli and fava bean casserole-type thing with essene bread and an apple.

3. My mid afternoon snack. This was delish. A mix of raw chocolate, figs and pepitas (pumpkin kernels). I put it in a wine glass for atmosphere, seeing as my wine glasses are not experiencing any actual wine right now.

4. I was in the middle of constructing a rather ambitious dinner when the Programmer arrived home and reminded me that we had to go to the hospital to visit his mum, whom had shoulder reconstruction surgery today. So I carefully stowed my half prepared food in the fridge and we got curry on the way home. On account of nightshades, I got the creamy mango curry again, which, as I've already discussed is frighteningly high in calories and contains dairy. I had been voting for a kebab instead but we went in search of one only to find that all kebab shops are closed on a Monday. Curry it was.

Training happened:

Wii-fit
Squats - 3 x 45 bodyweight. For some reason I got a fabulous score of zero on my first set. Sometimes on wii-fit if you are not standing still when it is taking the initial centre of gravity measurement, things go awry. It's so lovely the way the trainer tells you gently that perhaps you're not ready for this difficult exercise but he will always 'be there' when you want to give it another try.

He's just always there for me, any time of the day or night. I feel he really understands me and relates to my needs. Who requires unaccommodating real friends?

Shoulderstand - yoga move which also works the abs quite well if you do it correctly
Bridge
Reverse crunch on ball. This was a non- wii-fit exercise. There are not that many good ab exercises on wii-fit, unless you want to do a bazillion jacknives. There are 'planks' which is a nice hard exercise, but today I was in the mood to really feel the ab burn).

Yoga moves
Crocodile twist
Downward dog
King of the Dance

12/126

2009-08-23T02:25:00.000-07:00

More than half way through my first three weeks! Today I was feeling quite lazy, I was planning on a lower body workout, but just couldn't get to it. I decided instead to go for a jog to the DVD shop to return a movie. Sometimes exercise with a real purpose is easier to get motivated for. It's not exercising.. it's taking that DVD back.

Breakfast today was nut butter and cherry jam on essene bread. Cherries are one of my super beneficial foods for the type O diet. I use the St Dalfour jam that is sweetened with pear juice and is packed with actual, recognisable cherries. Fish oil and Glucosamine.

At lunchtime I was deep into the Food Code and didn't really want anything complicated so just threw some stuff on a plate. That's walnut butter on my apples, not some weird fungus.

Mid afternoon was more 'stuff on a plate' - figs, chocolate, essene bread. I'm not really getting points for originality today..

Dinner was braised beef, which is beef cooked in red wine, ginger and honey. Then I added some baked kumara and broccoli. It tasted a lot better than it looks. It's beautiful on the inside

11/126

2009-08-22T02:14:00.000-07:00

I've more or less settled into a routine of four meals a day. Three meals at about 400 calories and 600 calories at dinner. That's just not difficult. I don't get toooo hungry between meals and I actually feel like I've eaten something when I do eat. Also, I'm not always thinking about food, as I was on the six mini-meals plan.

Today:

1. Leftover chicken on essene bread

2. Soy cappuccino, 2 squares chocolate (uh - was not decaf, mostly because I just forgot to ask)

3. Green omlette with 20g goat feta. The omlette had spinach, garlic and mushrooms in it. I sprinkled some turmeric in with the eggs.

4. Kumara and fish soup. This was delicious. I used cumin and turmeric as the spices along with a little sea salt with kelp. The technique is:

Cube and boil two large kumaras and a parsnip

Sautee the fish (about 200g) and a chopped up onion in olive oil

Let it all cool a bit then blend it in small batches, adding some cumin, turmeric, ginger powder and sea salt. Add water to bring it to the right consistency. My blender has a little valve on the top that can be loosened to allow steam to get out. You need to let the steam out somehow or you can get a scary and painful (and smelly) explosion.

Return it all to the pot for reheating.

Stir in some butter and soy sauce.

Butter is allowed 'infrequently' on the BTD, but I figured with all those awesome beneficial foods in there (ginger, turmeric, kumara, kelp, fish) I'd be fine. I've noticed that my taste for salt is reducing. I used to like salt on everything but lately I don't want it so much. Perhaps it really is true that the tastebuds return to liking a more natural flavour. I noticed last night that the chicken tasted naturally salty enough, even though everyone else was adding salt and condiments.

After dinner I had some more of that raw, organic chocolate. I think I'm going through an infatuation phase with it. *I *heart* my raw organic handmade chocolate from Australia*.

Calories: about 1700

10/126

2009-08-21T20:39:00.000-07:00

This is officially yesterdays update, but I missed blogging last night because my mum came for dinner and, besides chatting on Skype to my sister for quite some time, she then exercised her terrible influence and fed me several glasses of red wine ;) Not too many, but at 1am when we finally finished up, my blogging mojo was M.I.A.

Yesterday I took some foody pics, a habit which I plan to keep up, and I trained:

Upper body Wii-fit training session:

You will notice some wii-fit exercises here which do require further explanation for non-wii-fit'ers. You can see videos of them here. Obviously, but adding dumbbells and so on, I am improvising beyond the original idea of the exercises.

3 sets each of

* 'Single leg extension' with bicep curl (5kg dumbbell)

* Pressups (I was supersetting these while my wii was doing it's between exercise faffing around). I don't like the pressup that is part of wii-fit because the board is not wide enough and it hurts my wrists.

* 'Sideways leg lift' with 45degree delt raise (5kg db)

* Reverse flye on the ball (2 x 4kg db's) - again supersetting

Yoga:

Palm tree

Sun salute

Half moon

Breakfast: Egg and walnut butter on essene bread

Lunch: Grilled fish on pumpkin and fava beans. Fava beans are a super beneficial food in the BTD for arthritis book. Luckily I don't hate them as much as I did when I was a child. And, 2 squares organic, raw chocolate.

Mid afternoon snack. I was rushing around madly and just threw a few things together. A cold boiled egg that I'd cooked in the morning, some figs, chocolate, a raw carrot. It all looks a bit odd there on the plate like that, but it was what I felt like eating.

Dinner was a roast chicken with kumara wedges, salad, green veges and several glasses of red wine. Starting today I'm having a little alcohol detox, probably a month. At least three weeks. This is more to do with the fact that even one glass of wine seems to drop my energy level the next day and I want to see what happens if I'm completely alcohol free. It's definitely not something I plan to keep up into infinity, but I do plan to master 'moderation' when I re-introduce myself to the Mr Vino.

Calories: About 1900.

9/126

2009-08-20T03:53:00.000-07:00

I woke up today feeling absolutely shocking! I'd better backtrack a bit. Last night, after posting my daily update I had another glass of wine and then another half glass, and then a couple of bananas with agave syrup and some chocolate. I was feeling quite loose, but not really drunk and so I first thought that this mornings pounding head was a totally unjustified major food+wine hangover.

As the morning progressed. however, and I began to feel much worse, started to get the chills, an even worse headache and then nausea, I concluded that well.. it's not a hangover at all. I'm sick. Still. I cancelled my client appointment, took my anti-virals (Lysine, olive leaf, vit C, zinc) and went back to bed until lunchtime. Needless to say, training did not happen and food was average. Nothing bad, it was a compliant day, but I didn't count calories or record what I ate. At about 3pm I got a call from Piko to say my essene bread was in (yay!) so I made a quick trip there, trying not to breathe on anyone, and picked up some raw chocolate while I was there. The raw chocolate is heavenly and definitely perked me up.

Sickness seems to do strange things to my appetite and so I'm trying not to be hard on myself about the overeating last night. I mean, I can't really beat myself up for bananas and agave syrup. If I'd gone for the packet of biscuits in the cupboard then maybe I could feel guilty, but I didn't, and I don't. I think my body needed the extra.

Tonight I'm feeling a lot better, just a slight lingering headache. My nose is almost clear, my tummy feels ok, I think I'll be right tomorrow. I have made a decision though. I've got my mum coming for dinner tomorrow night so I'll allow a glass of wine, but after that I'm going teetotal until the end of my first 6 weeks. I feel like the break will do me good and also help with keeping the nutrition on track. Now that I've discovered raw chocolate I may decide to switch vices anyway! It's expensive enough to be a wine substitute, that's for sure.

8/126

2009-08-19T02:00:00.000-07:00

Wow, one week gone by already!

today my flu is on the way out but I elected to not train. That has been four days without any real exercise, but I'm sure it won't hurt me in the long run. I'm a believer in resting if you are not well. The body is already working to fight the virus or bacteria and doesn't need to be further stressed.

Todays eating:
1. Cold chicken drumstick and a banana. I woke up early feeling hungry, probably because of the flu. I got up, ate the above then went back to sleep until a Jehovah's witness knocked on the door at 8.30am..
2.Kidney,mushroom and pumpkin casserole with garlic. Apple. This was at about 1pm
3.Grilled chicken, fig, chocolate
4. I had to go to the supermarket and was feeling hungry. I had a raw carrot and fig before heading out to the shop,just so that I was not weak in the face of chocolate.
5. I made my partner (The Programmer) a hamburger with all the trimmings for dinner but for myself I avoided the bread. I had a plate of green veges and two hamburger patties plus a baked kumara and glass of wine. Then when I was chatting on skype with my sister (currently soaking up the sun in Leichtenstein) I had another 1.5 glasses of red wine. I was celebrating the successful completion of two uni assignments and the acheivement of an 'A' in my first returned assignment. Sometimes, this will happen. It's probably not the best thing for my flu, but with an early night I expect to be 100% tomorrow.

Today was 100% compliant to the BTD for type O's. The wine consumption was a little OTT, but whatyagonnado?

7/126

2009-08-18T04:04:00.000-07:00

I have ordered my essene bread. Three loaves, one wheat, two rye, roll on Friday!.

I have a confession. Ahem. Today I had an espresso,which is definitely in the 'back away slowly' category on the BTD for Type O's. It wasn't even that good. I think my caffeine gene might have gone into hibernation. Either that or my flu-invoked 'head stuffed with sand' state was just beyond the help of anything non-pharmaceutical. Actually I'm better today than I was yesterday, but I rested as much as possible, didn't train. I'm sure one little espresso in three months won't rustify my joints overnight. I'll let you know tomorrow.

Today was completely dairy free but did feature 20g dark chocolate and one glass of red wine. It went like this:

1. Green omlette (sans feta), 3g Omega 3

2. Grilled hoki (white fish), mashed kumara, brocolli, 3x 750 mg glucosamine

3. Apple, carrot, 2 chicken drumsticks - skin on.

4. Baked kumara and artichoke, rocket salad, steamed kale, glass of wine, 2 chicken drumsticks - skin off. I know that the Nourishing Traditions lady says saturated fat is all ok, but I'm not 100% convinced. High cholesterol runs in my family and when it's been there, so has heart disease, so I'm not all for recklessly munching down the animal fat.

After dinner: 1 fig, 20g dark chocolate. This was totally delicious. I've become very attached to dried figs. Eaten with a square of dark chocolate (85%) there is nothing better. I'm looking around to see if I can find an 80% or higher chocolate that's made with raw cocoa. I feel a bit of raw foodism creeping in, who knows what sort of yoga-loving, student hippie I'll be in a few months.

Calories: 1750

I don't feel like I've lost any weight, but I'll do a weigh in on day 21 and, if it's not going in the right direction I'll adjust calories down slightly and turn the activity dial up. Tomorrow is an upper body workout and I'll get some yoga in too. Two days of concentrated writing (it's assignment time!) has driven my shoulders up into my ears and I need to fix that by getting my stretch on and letting my mind drift to that happy yoga place.

6/126

2009-08-17T03:07:00.000-07:00

I woke up feeling a bit stuffy in the head, but got on the bike for 20 minutes cardio before I could really register the full extent of it ;) Pretty soon after that I realised that I'm definitely in the grip of some sort of flu, hopefully not the swine flu. I haven't noticed any oinking yet, just lots of sneezing, but I'll be sure to stay inside, just in case.

Todays eating was pretty good, almost completely compliant apart from 20g feta cheese in my omlette and the mayonnaise on my salad. I thought the mayo might be ok, but having checked in the Typebase, I see that soybean oil is an 'avoid' for type 0's. Feta is actually ok occasionally on the BTD, but it's an avoid on the BTD for arthritis and I've been having it nearly every day.

Meals today
1. Green omlette
2. Lamb and kidney casserole with onions and mushrooms, fava beans (super beneficial)
3. Half homemade protein bar, 30g dark chocolate, 1 fig
4. Lamb and kidney casserole (again - I prepped enough for two meals at lunchtime), pumpkin, salad, mayo, glass of red wine
5. late night munchies - 2 figs

Calories: 1750

Now it's time to down some sudafeds and hit the sack. Hopefully tomorrow will be less snotful and more productive.

5/126

2009-08-16T02:59:00.000-07:00

Today I was quite tired, a situation which generally does not bode well for eating behaviours. Mid afternoon I was feeling especially hungry but got through it. Dinner tonight was a bit irregular as I was at a curry house after a movie. I chose the Mango Chicken, which had the dreaded description of 'creamy'. That means it's horrendously high in calories and of course, contains cream, which is a no-no on the BTD. It seemed to be the only thing on the menu which I could be reasonably sure did not contain peppers or tomatoes though, which was the basis of my choice. I picked out the chicken bits and left what I hope was most of the sauce in the serving pot.

The rest of the day went like this:

1. Green omlette, same as yesterday.
2. Venison shank, fava beans, raw carrot, fig. I also put a tsp of nut butter in with my fava beans.
3. Half a meat patty, pumpkin, some dark chocolate
4. Mango chicken curry. a few lettuce leafs (I ordered the salad but it was mostly PEPPERS which are a nightshade), a little white rice. When I got home I ate a raw carrot.

Considering that I suspect dinner was a calorie bomb, I think today was still around 1800 calories, but it's a wild guess really. Tomorrow I have some cardio planned and some yoga. Today I rested. I seem to nursing a very stuffy, sneezy sort of head cold that came on overnight.

4/126

2009-08-15T16:40:00.000-07:00

Day four had two big challenges... an unexpected 'away from home and hungry' moment and a big party.

Breakfast was a bit trickier than usual due to the lack of essene bread. I grabbed a homemade protein bar and half a meat patty from the night before (unorthodox, but .. well, I was in a hurry). We then headed out to get such things as silver hairspray and white eye makeup for the 'winter wonderland' party. This took longer than expected and at about 1.30pm I was in Starbucks feeling really growly in the stomach. I decided to try their 'Perfect Oatmeal' with the dried fruit and nuts. Oats are not a recommended food on the type 0 diet, but you can have them 'infrequently' and in this case I think it was the best choice, even if I got a few funny looks... 'doesn't she know it's lunchtime??'. I also added a decaf, soy cappuccino because I'm supposed to be avoiding dairy products. I'm also supposed to be avoiding all coffee, even decaf. I never claimed to be perfect.

Later in the afternoon I muched a re-heated meat patty, had some raw carrots and figs and then got into my outfit. That's when I started to have a 'fat day' and felt that dangerous fathead mindset coming on. You know, if you put on a white velveteen dress, there is a fair chance that you might show a) vpl and b) a tummy bulge. It was messing with my head. No matter what I did with my hair I didn't feel pretty. I was getting a bit funky and felt like I'd rather not go because, in that head space, I'm very prone to either drink a lot or munch a lot because, what the hell. Instead I made my plan, had dinner (venison shank and veges) before we left and, once we got there, made a point to involve myself in the activities (dancing and wii-snowboarding) and talk to people. As soon as I got there I made a toilet break to calm myself and, in the different lighting, suddenly I looked quite slinky and felt better. Maybe they have a magic mirror in that room. It's amazing how much feelings can change just from a change in perception. I had three wines over the evening, which was borderline too many, but by the end of the night was drinking soda water and feeling like I'd made a success of it.

Calories for the day were bang on 1800. No training, just dancing and shoppercise.

3/126

2009-08-14T01:48:00.000-07:00

Oh no! Piko Wholefoods have run out of essene bread and won't have more until this time next week! I'll be in there, first thing Friday morning, maybe I'll camp out on their doorstep.

Today I was 'head down, bum up' finishing an assignment,but I did take a break to do a lower body workout which included 90 lunges and some yoga poses.

Eating is still going well, I think the calorie level must be about right for me at the moment, and of course I've cut back drastically on concentrated foods like chocolate so that I'm eating more bulk. Vege consumption is on track.

Todays eating:
1. Green omlette - spinach, garlic and a little feta. All dairy is a 'very infrequently' food on the Type 0 diet. Spinach is ultra beneficial.
2. Grilled lamb chop, essene bread, veges, 10g chocolate
3. Essene bread with nut butter
4. lean beef meat patty, fried egg, pumpkin, mushrooms (grilled large flat mushies), Er.. two glasses of wine - well it is Friday night!

Calories at 1800 which surprises me because it felt like I ate a LOT today. I seem to be adjusting to the four meals a day routine and wasn't tempted to munch between meals, although I was staring longingly at the coffee machine. Lots of Green Tea did the trick. I get a little buzz out of GT, but it's just not coffee ;( How sad to be such an addict!

2/126

2009-08-13T03:43:00.000-07:00

Simplify, simplify. That's my new mantra. I'm thinking that a healthy life should really be quite natural and simple, not complicated and planning intensive, so I'm practicing that. Relaxercise.

Today had a lot in it, but it didn't feel stressy. I took a break when I felt my mind beginning to buzz, managed to hold my cool when my webcam spat the dummy and ate my meals without needing to mindlessly nibble in between. I was tempted to head for the chocolate about 3pm but distracted myself and, surprisingly, got through to 4pm without starving to death (lunch had been at 12.30).

Today was like this:
1. A boiled egg on essene bread with nut butter
2. Grilled lamb chop with baked kumara and parsnip, broccoli
3. More essene bread and nut butter with cherry jam, a fig
4. Grilled fish, salad, green veges, more essene bread.

It was a bit of an essene bread heavy day, mostly because I managed to ahem - overcook the kumara that had been planned at dinner. I think that's what it means when it turns black.. overcooked.

I've temporarily stopped taking Glucosamine because it's been giving me a stomach ache. I'm still taking Hyaluronic Acid, B3, Vit C and Omega 3's.

Calories at just under 1800 again. No training today although I can certainly feel yesterdays effort in my muscles.

1/126

2009-08-12T03:31:00.000-07:00

I've been lurking over at zenhabits.net and the more I read, the more I realise that I've been living my life in a state of stress and pressure, which is not a healthy lifestyle, nor is it a fun one. Every day I try to squeeze in as many tasks as I can and get incredibly wound up if I fall behind schedule. And, every day I do fall behind schedule because I'm always wanting to do too much. So, I'm trying to be more 'zen', starting with decompressing my stupid schedule. I'm going to allow some more space in my day, I'll probaby get just as much done, but without the 'grrrraaaaagh!'. My goal is to lighten up, literally and figuratively. I'm aiming to develop a more carefree, playful attitude toward life and especially myself, much as I used to have when I was younger, before the whole body image issues kicked in and sucked the vitality out of my soul.

Today I inserted a few more carbs into my day and also ate four larger meals instead of six mini-meals. This worked because I was eating less often and felt more full after eating. Win-win. It went like this:

10am - Spinach omlette
1pm - Homemade PB, boiled egg
3pm wii-fit
4pm - Essene bread with nut butter
7.30 - grilled lamb chop with a red wine reduction (interesting exercise.. I think my technique needs refinement because it became more like red wine jam, but still tasted ok), mashed kumara, brocccoli, salad, essene bread, glass of wine.

Cals: about 1800 which is what I'm aiming for.

It's now nearly 11pm and I'm feeling just mildly like I could eat, but I think I'll live. I rad today that essene bread (ingredients: sprouted rye or sprouted wheat, nothing else) contains no gluten because it is destroyed by the sprouting process. I didn't know that. I knew that the starches break down to sugars but this is new information. That's true even for the sprouted wheat one. I'm going to look into it, pester the essene bread people relentlessly until they tag me on their caller i.d. and stop answering. I already made them roll their eyes (I believe) by asking about the nutritional info.

Drinks: heaps of Mate Tea, Green Tea and Sabtu tea. I know that Mate has some caffeine in it, but I'm telling ya, it's NOT like coffee (unfortunately).

Oh.. Saturday night I'm going to a fancy dress party. A 'winter' party and, I'm wearing WHITE LEGGINGS with silver 'stripper' boots under a weensy white dress. If that doesn't make me laugh at myself, well, I'm probably dead. I shall post a pic. It can be a progress pic.

Prequel - I want my Herbal Tea

2009-08-11T01:33:00.000-07:00

I've had three out of the last four days as 'very relaxed eating days' (read: ate pretty much anything I felt like) and after that little visit to the dark side, I'm more than ready to repent, for the following reasons:

* I feel really chubby, waterlogged and .. er.. fat. I know I'm not, but I feel squishier and it doesn't please me.
* My joints are aching. My hip, knee, neck and big toe joints are aching. I remember being like this before I started the blood-type diet for arthritis, but had forgotten how bad it feels to be rusting up. I don't actually know which food group causes this, but it's probably a combination of inflammatory things.
* My lower back and muscles around the left hip (the non-arthritic one) are aching too.
* I'm tired and having trouble focusing. Very 'unmotivated'.
* I've got a SORE THROAT, arrrgh. Having stayed well for the past few months while everyone else got sick, I'm convinced that this is due to the increased sugar consumption. What a dumb thing to do!

It's funny how just a few months of healthy eating made me forget how bad I used to feel! Now I remember, but I want to forget again. So, tomorrow starts the first three weeks, then I'll do a weigh in and see how it's going. I'm also raising my goal calorie average to 1800 because perhaps I was aiming too high (low?). I'm not aiming for quick weightloss, just a steady progression. I want to get my weight down by about 5 or 6kg over the next six months to a year, so it's not necessary to cut calories dramatically. I'll see how it looks at day 21 and every three weeks after that. This morning I was 61kg, 30.3% bodyfat.

As per the last attempt, I'll be tracking for 18 weeks (126 days) then I'll see how it goes. I might go for one year. I found this paleo diet blog which went for a year and then the blogger decided he had said enough. I might do that, it's open ended right now, let's see how it goes.

Fresh Start

2009-08-10T03:10:00.001-07:00

I decided to make a fresh start with recording my health and fitness journey. There had been so many 'fell off and got run over by the wagon' incidences and restarts that it was getting a bit confusing! For newbies I've archived the most recent shambles here. The older posts I just deleted but realised that I should have kept the first one where I had a pic of my starting weight in July '08. That was at 63kg exactly and 30.3% bodyfat. Since then, in the last year I have lost about 5kg, gained back 2kg and now sit at about 60kg.

Tomorrow I will post my forward plan. ;) I'm no longer looking for a short term fatloss plan, but a longterm workable lifestyle. That's why I've changed the name of the blog. I've begun to realise that being healthy is not about fatloss, it's about life.